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Human activity his head around the world. Some people inside this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be taken to bring about a change.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Human activity his head around the world. Some people inside this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both views and give your opinion BJapp
In the solid millennium days, world population has increased largely over the past few decades and industrialisation has posed a major threat to wild species these days. While some argue that this trend cannot be stopped, others, including myself, believe that we still have time to tackle this situation. On the face of the statement, people who hold opinion Dad we should accept the situation on the base of their argument for several reasons. To commence with, Many places are not suitable for plants and birds to acclimatize With atmosphere to survive. For instance, Mongolia lost its natural beauty and habitat of several species owing to larger proportion of deforestation and air Pollution brought by industralization. As a result, it is impossible to bring back their remnant environment due to economic development. Out of all grounds, the most profound argument the proponent puts forward is marine animals species are largely affected most, because of global warming and temperature increment. consequently, myriad of water species are dying out. However, everyone in the society knows actions speak louder than words. Others have conviction that governments and individuals can still make efforts to combat this issue. First of all, governments could introduce laws and impose restrictions to force factories to reduce carbon dioxide emissions that leads to global warming, and they can also put laws for cars to encourage them to drives less. As a result, less greenhouse gas emission from both aspects advocate to ameliorate environmental condition. Furthermore, individuals can also bolster through becoming more energy efficient. To exemplify, implementation of paperless system would be less demand for wood, and it mitigates the curb of deforestation. Having discussed, both of the views, i firmly support the latter opinion than former one, because its benefits bolster the drawbacks.
In the solid millennium days, world population has increased
largely
over the past few decades and
industrialisation
has posed a major threat to wild species these days. While
some
argue that this trend cannot be
stopped
, others, including myself, believe that we
still
have time to tackle this situation.

On the face of the statement,
people
who hold opinion Dad we should accept the situation on the base of their argument for several reasons. To commence with,
Many
places are not suitable for plants and birds to acclimatize With atmosphere to survive.
For instance
, Mongolia lost its natural beauty and habitat of several species owing to larger proportion of deforestation and air Pollution brought by
industralization
.
As a result
, it is impossible to bring back their remnant environment due to economic development. Out of all grounds, the most profound argument the proponent puts forward is marine animals species are
largely
affected
most,
because
of global warming and temperature increment.
consequently
, myriad of water species are dying out.

However
, everyone in the society knows actions speak louder than words. Others have conviction that
governments
and individuals can
still
make
efforts to combat this issue.
First of all
,
governments
could introduce laws and impose restrictions to force factories to
reduce
carbon dioxide emissions that leads to global warming, and they can
also
put laws for cars to encourage them to drives less.
As a result
, less greenhouse gas emission from both aspects advocate to ameliorate environmental condition.
Furthermore
, individuals can
also
bolster through becoming more energy efficient. To exemplify, implementation of paperless system would be less demand for wood, and it mitigates the curb of deforestation.

Having discussed, both of the views,
i
firmly
support the latter opinion than former one,
because
its benefits bolster the drawbacks.
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IELTS essay Human activity his head around the world. Some people inside this cannot be changed, while others believe action can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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