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How to appeal young people to read a magazine

How to appeal young people to read a magazine OwMBk
Introduction This reports aims to know how to make the magazine appeal more to teenagers and make several suggestions about the things that the magazine must have to appeal young adults. Popular things between teenagers I think they want to impress other teenagers, so they pressure their parents to buy the latest technologies like mobile phone or the laptop. Teenagers have some interests like music, famous singers, the latest technologie, fashion, games, movies, etc. Recommendations First of all, I recomend that the magazine has to be available online. This is the most important thing, because the young people like to be in the internet all day. Should make publicity online on social media to draw young people's attention. Then, the magazine must offer some discount on new tecnologie or clothes. Conclusion Finally, to do this analysis I had to do a survey among young people, in order to find out what their interests are. And I believe that young people prefer a dynamic digital magazine in order to charm younger people.
Introduction

This reports aims to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
appeal more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
several suggestions about the things that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
appeal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults.

Popular things between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers


I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they want to impress other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they pressure their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the latest technologies like mobile phone or the laptop.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interests like music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singers, the latest
Possible spelling mistake found.
technologie
, fashion, games, movies, etc.

Recommendations

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
recomend
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be available online. This is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to be
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
all day. Should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
publicity online on social media to draw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discount on new
Possible spelling mistake found.
tecnologie
or clothes.

Conclusion

Finally
, to do this analysis I had to do a survey among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in order to find out what their interests are. And I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer a dynamic digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
in order to charm younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay How to appeal young people to read a magazine

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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