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how many people do sport, what discourage people from doing excersise and what can be done to increase participation

how many people do sport, what discourage people from doing excersise and what can be done to increase participation pK2K3
The aim of this report is to review the current amount of people that are taking part in the different sports. Simultaneously, the different causes of the reduced number of attendance will be stated and finally, suggestions will be made in order to boost participation. Current situation A recent survey has been carried out in order to ascertain the amount of people that do exercise. It has been found that out of 100 people, only a fifth stated they did physical activity at least twice a week. The average age among those who did sport is between 15 to 25. Finally the most popular sports were football, volleyball and pilates. Factors that prevent participation Most of the interviews coincided with the lack of time due to the long hours of work, others placed the blame on the inability to afford gym centres or dissatisfaction with the quality of the equipment. Lastly, the elderly stated their difficulty to do any activity due to their physical state. What can be done The following are some recommendations that ought to be prompted to improve the present situation: → time flexibility: I would suggest allowing people to attend gym or club during Saturday and Sunday. Another alternative is an agreement on a certain schedule between the trainer and the members. → Founding new, high-quality equipment that allows the participants to have a better experience. This along with a more affordable price for those who do not have the means to do so. → Special attention to those retired members to start adapting to the requirements to do physical activity.
The aim of this report is to review the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are taking part in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports.
Simultaneously
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
causes of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
number of attendance will
be stated
and
finally
, suggestions will
be made
in order to boost participation.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
situation

A recent survey has
been carried
out in order to ascertain the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that do exercise. It has
been found
that out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a fifth stated they did physical activity at least twice a week. The average age among those who did sport is
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 25".
between 15 to 25
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the most popular sports were football, volleyball and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pilates
.

Factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
participation

Most of the interviews coincided with the lack of time due to the long hours of work, others placed the blame on the inability to afford gym
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or dissatisfaction with the quality of the equipment.
Lastly
, the elderly stated their difficulty to do any activity due to their physical state.

What can
be done


The following are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recommendations that ought to
be prompted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the present situation:

→ time flexibility: I would suggest allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend gym or club during Saturday and Sunday. Another alternative is an agreement on a certain schedule between the trainer and the members.

→ Founding new, high-quality equipment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the participants to have a better experience. This along with a more affordable price for those who do not have the means to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

→ Special attention to those retired members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
adapting to the requirements to do physical activity.
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IELTS essay how many people do sport, what discourage people from doing excersise and what can be done to increase participation

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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