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How is the Internet affecting our intelligence?

How is the Internet affecting our intelligence? aERVP
The emergence of cutting-edge technology has had some life-changing impacts on people these days. Without doubt, It will bring pros and cons for individuals. In particular, web-based sites help people gather information as well as make amusement a lot more convenient. It gradually became an integral part of each individual in the modern world. Firstly, people are accustomed to not living without technological devices. It mainly brings enormous information support for their daily work and studies with ease and precision. It shapes younger good habits by actively looking for abundant information that boosts their cognitive development. The younger generation has broadened their horizons and enhanced their skills through gathering available experience from others and access to free various lessons provided on the Internet. On the other hand, A great deal of data needs to be sorted out before posting on the Internet because users of all ages could have access to counterfeit information and adverse impacts on their intellectual development. Users under 18 without older supervision easily exposure to erotica, porngraphic materials that hugely impact on their intelligence later on and be indifferent on their performances at school. The proliferation of advanced technological gadgets somehow improve individuals' know-how and bring a variety of opportunities for them in their career path. In contrast, It still has a hideous risk for a person of low intelligence and lack of recognized ability
The emergence of cutting-edge technology has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life-changing impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days. Without doubt, It will bring pros and cons for individuals.
In particular
, web-based sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
amusement a lot more convenient. It
gradually
became an integral part of each individual in the modern world.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are accustomed
to not living without technological devices. It
mainly
brings enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
support for their daily work and studies with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and precision. It shapes younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits by
actively
looking for abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that boosts their cognitive development. The younger generation has broadened their horizons and enhanced their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through gathering available experience from others and access to free various lessons provided on the Internet.

On the other hand
, A great deal of data needs to
be sorted
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
posting on the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
users of all ages could have access to counterfeit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and adverse impacts on their intellectual development. Users under 18 without older supervision
easily
exposure to erotica,
Possible spelling mistake found.
porngraphic
materials that
hugely
impact on their intelligence later on and be indifferent on their performances at school.

The proliferation of advanced technological gadgets somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
individuals' know-how and bring a variety of opportunities for them in their career path.
In contrast
, It
still
has a hideous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for a person of low intelligence and lack of recognized
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ability

IELTS essay How is the Internet affecting our intelligence?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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