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How has technology affected the types of relationships people have? Has this been a positive or negative development?

How has technology affected the types of relationships people have? Has this been a positive or negative development? N81BW
Over the past decades, human beings have been witnessing such a rapid growth of technology. Undeniably, it has made a fundamental influence on our daily life, especially the way we connect with the other. In my essay, I will first outline some important impacts of technology on our personal relationships and then, dicuss some main reasons why I believe that this development is a negative one to humanity. Firsly, the connection between people and people has been changing significantly since the introduction of technology in common and of the Internet and social networks in particular. These are considered to be the most cost-effective anf fastest means of communications providing netizens with a great chance to socialize and make friends much more easily than ever before just by swiping your finger across the phone and clicking. For example, not only can the Internet users keep in touch with their friends throughout some chatting and video calling apps, but they also can meet new people having the same interests by joining online groups on Facebook. Therfore, our relationships can be widened. However, it seems to me that this new phenomenon tends to become a negative rather than a possitive one. The convenience and popularity of technology uses has turned many people into over-addicted to the friend-making network, hence, having fewer face-to-face interactions and being more indifferent to real life. Moreover, the opprtunities to make friends online can arouse many serious problems among the users including unconsciously becoming victims of virtual thieft or suffering from higher risk of losing privacy due to the low security system. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some cutting-edge devices of technology has made a breakthrough to the human’s commnunication, I more incline to belive that this is a negative developments owing its detrimental influence on our behaviour and private life.
Over the past decades, human beings have been witnessing such a rapid growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Undeniably
, it has made a fundamental influence on our daily life,
especially
the way we connect with the other. In my essay, I will
first
outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on our personal relationships and then,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main reasons why I believe that this development is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one to humanity.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Firsly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been changing
significantly
since the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in common and of the Internet and social networks
in particular
. These
are considered
to be the most cost-effective
Possible spelling mistake found.
anf
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
means of communications providing netizens with a great chance to socialize and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends much more
easily
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by swiping your finger across the phone and clicking.
For example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can the Internet users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their friends throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chatting and video calling apps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having the same interests by joining online groups on Facebook.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Therfore
, our relationships can
be widened
.

However
, it seems to me that this new phenomenon tends to become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
rather
than a
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
one. The convenience and popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
has turned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into over-addicted to the friend-making network,
hence
, having fewer face-to-face interactions and being more indifferent to real life.
Moreover
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
opprtunities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends online can arouse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious problems among the users including
unconsciously
becoming victims of virtual
Possible spelling mistake found.
thieft
or suffering from higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of losing privacy due to the low security system.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cutting-edge devices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made a breakthrough to the human’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
commnunication
, I more incline
Did you mean "to believe"?
to belive
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "development"?
developments
owing its detrimental influence on our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and private life.
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IELTS essay How has technology affected the types of relationships people have? Has this been a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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