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History subject is important

History subject is important lx8qW
Some people believe that history is a crucial subject need to be taught in school for students. While other people assume that science and technology are crucial than history classes. From my perspective, I think that there are greater benefits from studying science and technology which can be seen in today's world. History is one of the most important class in schools. Many people think that learning about history prevent to do other people mistakes. By learning from their mistakes we can find solutions to live better and healthier. Also, we can think and establish new methods like developing transportation. For instance, ancient people usually travels with camel or by their foot. Nowadays, we have invented variety of transportation such as buses, trains, and metros. They are very faster and more convenient. Furthermore, it is clear that we have learned from War world I and II that have the ability to develop different type of transportation in order to deviance as a country. Science and technology is mandatory class in most of the schools. It is one of the most important subject because it helps to grow children brains. Beside thinking about what other people do in the past, these subjects will make younger people to think in what ways we can develop to reach our full potential in the future. Living in harmony and peacefully to raise our future generation. For example, learning computer skills is school, will increase children abilities to fix it if there was a problem. beside fixing, it will lead to find solution that is going to prevent the issue to happened again. Therefore, science and technology are beneficial due to the needs of helping us to live in a better lifestyle. In conclusion, I think that having both subjects are equally important and need to be taught in schools. Without history we could not be able to move to the future, and without science and technology we could not develop our life. However, science and technology is becoming more enjoyable because they can learn more unlike history.
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Some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a crucial
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subject
need to
be taught
in
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school
for students. While other
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people
assume that
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science
and
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technology
are crucial than
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history
classes. From my perspective, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there are greater benefits from studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
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technology
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.

History is one of the most
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important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
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Many
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people
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think
that learning about
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history
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prevent
to do other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
mistakes
. By learning from their mistakes we can find solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better and healthier.
Also
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and establish new methods like developing transportation.
For instance
, ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
travels with camel or by their foot. Nowadays, we have invented variety of transportation such as buses, trains, and metros. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
faster and more convenient.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we have learned from War world I and II that have the ability to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of transportation in order to deviance as a country.

Science and
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technology
is mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. It is one of the most
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important
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subject
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because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grow children brains. Beside thinking about what other
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people
do in the past, these
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subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in what ways we can develop to reach our full potential in the future. Living in harmony and
peacefully
to raise our future generation.
For example
, learning computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, will increase children abilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it if there was a problem.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
beside
fixing, it will lead to find solution
that is
going to
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prevent
the issue to happened again.
Therefore
,
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science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are beneficial due to the needs of helping us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a better lifestyle.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that having both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and need to
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "history, we".
history we
could not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the future, and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
we could not develop our life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is becoming more enjoyable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn more unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
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IELTS essay History subject is important

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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