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high salaries are more captivating

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It is often argued that many people think that high salaries are captivating for their kingdom, whilst others disagree and believe governments should be properly surveillance on the level of jobs. I believe that few numbers of people achieve a big amount of salaries because of their good tasks. On the one hand, there are many pupils in existence in every country around the world where people explore their skills through their work. It can be any skill in any area, and no matter about the agers for instances art, dance, drama, or social works. A good example of this is one of the best youngest programmers in this world who is achieved a plethora of medel, and well amount of wealth-income as his task was outstanding. Additionally, a significant percentage of humans get the top revenue due to their experience and representation of works. Additionally, if compared with the model or cricketer in every country, they are not only doing the better performance but also perform for introducing the own country. This can lead to them achieving wealth resources from the land. If consider the earlier days, most of the countries have no idea about to known another country. But in this contemporary era, it is easier to know throughout the world. On the other hand, some people think that governments have to be more concerned about the high earning. If a youngster will earn the top revenue, the adult will go to many mental diseases (depression, mental weakness) because they will think it is the drawback of them. Furthermore, it will be the lead concern to the oldest people, so they do the unethical works for high income. In conclusion, although individuals deserved the good money as their well organized perform, also it would be essential to consider the experience of the level of jobs.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that high salaries are captivating for their kingdom, whilst others disagree and believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should be
properly
surveillance on the level of jobs. I believe that few numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tasks.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils in existence in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
around the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
explore their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It can be any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in any area, and no matter about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
agers
for instances art, dance, drama, or social works. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is one of the best
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
programmers in this world who
is achieved
a plethora of
Possible spelling mistake found.
medel
, and well amount of wealth-income as his task was outstanding.

Additionally
, a significant percentage of humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the top revenue due to their experience and representation of works.
Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Additionally
, if compared with the model or cricketer in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doing the better performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
perform for introducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This can lead to them achieving wealth resources from the land. If consider the earlier days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
Did you mean "to know"?
to known
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in this contemporary era, it is easier to know throughout the world.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more concerned about the high earning. If a youngster
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will earn
the top revenue, the adult will go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mental diseases (depression, mental weakness)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the drawback of them.
Furthermore
, it will be the lead concern to the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do the unethical works for high income.

In conclusion
, although individuals deserved the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money as their well organized perform,
also
it would be essential to consider the experience of the level of jobs.
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IELTS essay high salaries are more captivating

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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