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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. Agree disagree?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. Agree disagree? oO5B
There is an argument that roads should not be funded by governments but railways. Although it is vital railways to get funded, however, I disagree with this opinion, primarily because more people are using roads and additionally, it creates safety for the population. First benefit of giving money in order to fix the roads because roads are commonly used among the mass. Simply put, many people whoever earn a little money more often than not try to get rid of arduous life by purchasing a vehicle. Because everybody wants to go for a picnic or camping so, buying a car makes their life much easier to handle some issues. Therefore, everyday many are on these roads either on the bus or in personal cars. Besides it, government should spend money on things that beneficial for the economy. Since roads are one of them as government collects money throughout the road transportation. Furthermore, as the time goes by, roads become more unsafe. What I mean by this, people whether going on the bus, driving own vehicles, or walking are becoming increasingly enthusiastic to use the roads. In this case, going without attention to the road or not to repairing them can have a disastrous result not only for commuters on the buses or in the cars but also pedestrians. For instance, in the city center of Istanbul in Turkey road were more worn and torn for the long period of time so, everyday people were experiencing many accidents. After government funding the road terrible accidents are diminished 95 percent. However, if the roads are fixed properly it will secure more happy life for everyone and get rid of unpleasant situation. All things considered, benefits of the roads being used by many people and their safety are worth the effort in order to better the economy and provide for people happy life.
There is an argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
should not
be funded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
railways. Although it is vital railways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funded,
however
, I disagree with this opinion,
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and
additionally
, it creates safety for the population.

First
benefit of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
among the mass.
Simply
put,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whoever earn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of arduous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by purchasing a vehicle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
everybody wants to go for a picnic or camping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, buying a car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
much easier to handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues.
Therefore
,
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
either on the bus or in personal cars.
Besides
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things that beneficial for the economy. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are one of them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
collects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transportation.

Furthermore
, as the time goes by,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
become more unsafe. What I mean by this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whether going on the bus, driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles, or walking are becoming
increasingly
enthusiastic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
In this case
, going without attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
or not to repairing them can have a disastrous result not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for commuters on the buses or in the cars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pedestrians.
For instance
, in the city center of Istanbul in Turkey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
were more worn and torn for the long period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
terrible accidents
are diminished
95 percent.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
properly
it will secure more happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for everyone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of unpleasant situation.

All things considered, benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their safety are worth the effort in order to better the economy and provide for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. Agree disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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