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Governments should not provide care of financial support for elderly because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. Do you agree or disagree?

People have different views whether governments should help senior citizens. To a certain extent I accept that retired people have responsibilities to save and prepare money for themself. I also disagree with the idea elderly people do not have any support from the state because of some reasons. The first reason is seniors do not have salary anymore after they stop working. Secondly, elderly people's health is not as good as young people. They may easily have aging-diseases such as heart-stroke, cancer, . . . Then they will have to pay a lot of money for hospital expenses. In addition, senior people pay much taxes when working. They enrich the national budgets through the taxes and contribute to society. So governments need to provide monthly for senior citizens to maintain their life. On the other hand, the senior citizens should save and prepare money before retirement because of some reasons above. For example, elderly people can not work as well as they did since their health. By saving, they can support themself and do whatever they want such as travelling, shopping and taking up new hobbies. They can also do some jobs which need physical involvement. Besides caring of elderly people, governments also care of children. It means if senior people can support themself, the state will not have difficulties with finances. In conclusion, it is certainly true that governments should care of financial support for elderly but seniors still have to prepare for their life after retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens. To a certain extent I accept that retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have responsibilities to save and prepare money for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
. I
also
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The
first
reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
do not have salary anymore after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They may
easily
have aging-diseases such as heart-stroke, cancer
Did you just mean “,” or “.”?
, .
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Then they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for hospital expenses.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay
Use “many” with countable plural nouns like ‘taxes’.
much
taxes when working. They enrich the national budgets through the taxes and contribute to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
need to provide monthly for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens to maintain their life.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens should save and prepare money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons above.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not work
as well
as they did since their health. By saving, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
and do whatever they want such as travelling, shopping and taking up new hobbies. They can
also
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs which need physical involvement.
Besides
caring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
also
care of children. It means if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
, the state will not have difficulties with finances.
In conclusion
, it is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should care of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare for their life after retirement.
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IELTS essay Governments should not provide care of financial support for elderly because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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