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Government should spend money on railways rather than roads

As our world is increasingly more modern, then people's demand on having decent technology is also skyrocketing. A number of future mode of transportation has been proposed and the ongoing suggestion for the Government is better off to build railways rather than roads. Personally speaking, I agree with this thought due to the fact that it would be beneficial in order to modernize our cities. Firstly, in a vast-changing world, replacing an old-fashioned transportation and developing a future one would be an obligation for the Government owing to the fact that a number of advanced countries has started the similar project. Moreover, as population is exponentially growing then our cities are getting more crowded, in light of that keeping an old way of transportation system would actually bring more problems, such as traffic jam or increasing stress levels of its users. Consequently, an integrated mode of transportation is definitely essential, not only because it would reduce people's anxiety on the road but also make their mobility more flexible. For instance, this type of transportation has been so prevalent in numerous European countries and from their experiences we could learn that modern transportation raised their level of awareness of punctuality and trained them to be more disciplined. Secondly, it would be more friendly to the environment in order to keep our environment intact then the option is to build eco-friendly transportation and the primary candidate is railways, owing to the fact that it emits lesser chemical compound that could harm our environment compared to vehicles. For example, Japan as an advanced country has number of railways but they rarely have environmental problems because of transportation. To conclude, railways as our main transportation would be more advantageous not only for humanity but also for our environment.
As our world is
increasingly
more modern, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's demand on having decent technology is
also
skyrocketing. A number of future mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
has
been proposed
and the ongoing suggestion for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is better off to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
rather
than roads.
Personally
speaking, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
due to the fact that it would be beneficial in order to modernize our cities.

Firstly
, in a vast-changing world, replacing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
and developing a future one would be an obligation for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
owing to the fact that a number of advanced countries has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the similar project.
Moreover
, as population is
exponentially
growing then our cities are getting more crowded, in light of that keeping an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system would actually bring more problems, such as traffic jam or increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels of its users.
Consequently
, an integrated mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is definitely essential, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's anxiety on the road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mobility more flexible.
For instance
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
prevalent in numerous European countries and from their experiences we could learn that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
raised their level of awareness of punctuality and trained them to be more disciplined.

Secondly
, it would be more friendly to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
intact
Did you mean "than"?
then
the option is to build eco-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
and the primary candidate is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
, owing to the fact that it emits lesser chemical compound that could harm our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
compared to vehicles.
For example
, Japan as an advanced country has number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they rarely have environmental problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of transportation.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
as our main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
would be more advantageous not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for humanity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
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IELTS essay Government should spend money on railways rather than roads

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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