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government should reduce their investment

government should reduce their investment QLMeX
The importance of reduce their investment in arts, music and painting which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. The substantial influence of this trend has sparked the controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational. This essay will further elaborate my views for favoring the positive impact of this trend and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriad of reasons which will further elaborate this argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that they can government should reduce investment in arts, music and painting. Investment is a very helpful for money saving. Another pivotal aspect of this trend is that government should increase their investment in education and hospitals with which many facilities to students and patient. Needless to say, all these merits stand in a good stead. Elaborating my viewpoint, there are some more merits but one of the crucial effects is that government should invest money in subjects with which beneficial for other students. Besides, government should increase investment in medical treatment for other patient government should open the schools and hospitals. Hence, it is apparent why many are against of this trend. According to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of government should increase their investment in schools and other field are indeed too great to ignore.
The importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in arts, music and painting which was always debatable has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more controversial with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. The substantial influence of this trend has sparked the controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational. This essay will
further
elaborate my views for favoring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of this trend and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion.

There are myriad of reasons which will
further
elaborate this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most preponderant one stems from the fact that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in arts, music and painting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Investment
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for money saving. Another pivotal aspect of this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in education and hospitals with which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities to students and patient. Needless to say, all these merits stand in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead.

Elaborating my viewpoint, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the crucial effects is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest money in subjects with which beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
students.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in medical treatment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should open the schools and hospitals.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against of this trend.

According to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
field are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay government should reduce their investment

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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