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Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects

Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects Lw5an
These days, education play important role in developed and developing countries which is political, social and economic sectors. Many people argued that more money are invested to the science education rather than social subjects or art by government for improve status of country. I don't agree with this statement and explained why. On the one hand, science play major role in our modern life. Initially, computer technologies are improving as a result of separate money from budget for science. Therefore, employees and managers do their work with easily and efficiency. Finally, science gives positive impact on chemistry and electricity, for instance, chemists can create new way of get necessary elements from different substance, engineers can learn generating various type of energy sources and countries export energy or expiensev metals to their neighbors, this trade may help improving economic condition. On the other hand, we don't image our life without humanities and arts. For example, psychology, philosophy play important role people's social life, being ideal people or active member of public issues difficult without social subjects. Moreover, people don't learn their unique traditions and great history, it leads to decay of culture. In general, government should spend money equally for science and other subjects.
These days, education play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which is political,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and economic sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that more money
are invested
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
education
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
subjects or art by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
status of country. I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
play major role in our modern life.
Initially
, computer technologies are improving
as a result
of separate money from budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
Therefore
, employees and managers do their work with
easily
and efficiency.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on chemistry and electricity,
for instance
, chemists can create new way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
necessary elements from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
substance, engineers can learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to generate".
generating
various type of energy sources and countries export energy or
Possible spelling mistake found.
expiensev
metals to their neighbors, this trade may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
economic condition.
On the other hand
, we don't image our life without humanities and arts.
For example
, psychology, philosophy play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life, being ideal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or active member of public issues difficult without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
subjects.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't learn their unique traditions and great history, it leads to decay of culture.
In general
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money
equally
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and other subjects.
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IELTS essay Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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