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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. 6e68
Rather than government swallow up the money for arts like music and theater, It will be wonderful if they spend on public services. On the whole, I do not agree with the statement due to a reason will be discussed on this essay. First, art is truly place for people release their adrenaline hormone especially for youth. Trough this area, adrenaline hormone will be directed to positive way. If government do not presence the facility for creativity, naughtiness will be way for people to release it. For instance, in developing country, there are numerous juvenile delinquency. This problem have ruined the generation from that country. It is triggered by there is no place for them to release their hormone. Second, art do not spend money by comparison other area in government budget. It just a tiny fraction of government budget, yet have extraordinary effect such as been explained above. On other hand, not a few people agree with this. They argue art can not serve their business. Furthermore, they have a tendency to want facilities rather than the budget waste on art. Yet, art can be place for all of person to create anything and it is a form facility. In conclusion, art is not only tiny side that can be forgotten. It has long term effect for nation. So, the reduction or abolition of art expense and converted to public services is not fully fabulous option. We still need art as a place to release our adrenaline and show our capability.
Rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
swallow up the money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like music and theater, It will be wonderful if they spend on public services.
On the whole
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement due to a reason will
be discussed
on this essay.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
release
their adrenaline hormone
especially
for youth. Trough this area, adrenaline hormone will
be directed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not presence the facility for creativity, naughtiness will be way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
release
it.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
, there are numerous juvenile delinquency.
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This problem has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This problem have
ruined the generation from that country. It
is triggered
by there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
release
their hormone.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
do not spend money by comparison other area in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tiny fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget,
yet
have extraordinary effect such as been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above.

On other hand, not a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. They argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can not serve their business.
Furthermore
, they have a tendency to want facilities
rather
than the budget waste on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
Consider using "all person" or "all of the person".
all of person
to create anything and it is a form facility.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tiny side that can
be forgotten
. It has long
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "termed".
term
effect for nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the reduction or abolition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
expense and converted to public services is not
fully
fabulous option. We
still
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
release
our adrenaline and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our capability.
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IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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