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GOVERNMENT INVESTMENT IN THE ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATRE, IS A WASTE OF MONEY. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST THIS MONEY IN PUBLIC SERVICES INSTEAD. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT? v.22

GOVERNMENT INVESTMENT IN THE ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATRE, IS A WASTE OF MONEY. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST THIS MONEY IN PUBLIC SERVICES INSTEAD. v. 22
It is an undeniable fact that, the government must invest taxes in a useful way. Some people believe that, utilizing this money on recreational activities like music and theatre is the best idea. However, I would argue that the development of public services must be the top priority of a government. Firstly, I think that, the state must provide a standard education to its people. This is because, in order to prosper and compete with the world, education plays a prime role. For instance, countries like India and Singapore have spent a large amount of money on their education system, which is why they now stand shoulder to shoulder with the developed countries of the world. Moreover, the taxpayers have a due right to lead a successful life, which is best achieved if the government focuses on improving the educational institutes. Secondly, an advanced health system must be kept under consideration when prioritizing the investment of state money. For example, building well equipped hospitals and offering good quality medics at a reasonable price helps a country to flourish by decreasing the burden of ill-health. Therefore, a government must not hesitate to release enough budget for raising the standards of health- care facilities, as after all “Health is Wealth”. In conclusion, although it is a great thought to promote music and arts, I strongly believe that upgrading public services like health and education is something for which government must strive hard. Because it is the major duty of an administration to provide the citizens a chance to live a healthy and successful life.
It is an undeniable fact that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest taxes
Consider replacing "in a useful way" with the adverb for "useful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a useful way
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, utilizing this money on recreational activities like music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
However
, I would argue that the development of public services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the top priority of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide a standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in order to prosper and compete with the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a prime role.
For instance
, countries like India and Singapore have spent a large amount of money on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, which is why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
stand shoulder to shoulder with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
of the world.
Moreover
, the taxpayers have a due right to lead a successful life, which is best achieved if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focuses on improving the educational institutes.

Secondly
, an advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under consideration when prioritizing the investment of state money.
For example
, building
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
hospitals and offering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality medics at a reasonable price
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a country to flourish by decreasing the burden of ill-health.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not hesitate to release
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget for raising the standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health-
care facilities, as
after all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Health
is Wealth”.

In conclusion
, although it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to promote music and arts, I
strongly
believe that upgrading public services like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is something for which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is the major duty of an administration to provide the citizens a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy and successful life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay GOVERNMENT INVESTMENT IN THE ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATRE, IS A WASTE OF MONEY. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST THIS MONEY IN PUBLIC SERVICES INSTEAD. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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