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Government investigators in the arts,such as music and theatre is a waste of money.government must invest this money in public services instead

The government must use the funds on social duties, instead of investing in music and theater which is not an unnecessary expense. I believe that this statement is practical to the individuals who don't have wealth. Spend the expenditure in community utilities than the music and arts. Many reasons to invest the fund on the community service are, it will help to the other nations to the poorer families. For example, is providing financial support for education, for food and health services, to the employment, to wider some roads and giving support to the citizens of the country. The government must pay attention on the public services more than the music and theater, because the richest people can afford to watch and enjoy. While the poorer people will be more struggling on how to support their financial needs. The authorities spend money to the public services because at the first place that money was come from to people who pay the taxes. On the other hands, the reason why the government should not spend the money in public services is because a number of people abuse the government in terms of money. People want is asking support from authority, they should also find a way to look a job to help their life successful in the future. Music and theatre is helping to the government to increase the economic of the country. In conclusion, the ministry must not spend the expenditure in some activities such as music and arts, they should invest on the public services especially in education, which both government and society can benefit to them.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the funds on social duties,
instead
of investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and theater which is not an unnecessary expense. I believe that this statement is practical to the individuals who don't have wealth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spend
the expenditure in community utilities than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and arts.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons to invest the fund on the community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
are, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the other nations to the poorer families.
For example
, is providing financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for education, for food and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, to the employment, to wider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
roads and giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to the citizens of the country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and theater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and enjoy.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more struggling on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their financial needs. The authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at the
first
place that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who pay the taxes.

On the other hands, the reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want is asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from authority, they should
also
find a way to look a job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their life successful in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
is helping to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to increase the economic of the country.

In conclusion
, the ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the expenditure in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and arts, they should invest on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
especially
in education, which both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and society can benefit to them.
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IELTS essay Government investigators in the arts, such as music and theatre is a waste of money. government must invest this money in public services instead

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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