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Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions .How far do you agree with this statement?

Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions. How far 7aWw6
Some people believe that family and friends are play a important role in life while others people assist that money and possessions also critical to happiness. In my view, I agree that happiness comes both from family and friends, money and possessions. We can not deny that family and friends bring happiness for us. Firstly, we have memoriable with close relationship. Secondly, they make us have many feeling such as happiness, madness, . . . . Thirdly, they become passion to have positive power and also help improve yourself more. On the other hand, money and possessions are also essential factor to happiness. First of all, it pays for accommodation, food and clothing. Afterwards, they reduce stress about financial and solve a number of problems. Furthermore, if they have abundance money, this will be easier to control their lives. Nonetheless, it also have an effect on people such as: money and possessions cause us blindness when using it too much. To sum up, happiness comes in many different forms. From my point of view, both friends and family, money and possessions bring to happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
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friends
are play
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in life while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
also
critical to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
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happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
both from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
. We can not deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for us.
Firstly
, we have
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memoriable
with close relationship.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us have
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many
feeling such as
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happiness
, madness
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Thirdly
, they become passion to have
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positive
power and
also
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help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
yourself more.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
are
also
essential factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it pays for accommodation, food and clothing. Afterwards, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about financial and solve a number of problems.
Furthermore
, if they have abundance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, this will be easier to control their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Nonetheless, it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
an effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
cause us blindness when using it too much. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms. From my point of view, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
bring to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happiness
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IELTS essay Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions. How far

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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