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Freedom of information is good or bad

Freedom of information is good or bad 8GlMw
Having the opportunity to be informed about what is happening in the country, is an essential component of public rights. Some people argue that we should not be able to know whatever we like, but others do not have the same view. On one hand, freedom of information improve the relationship between citizens and authorities. This is due to the fact that people expect transparancy in government and if they feel free to enquire about details they need, there won't be massive waves of demonstrations every month. Consequently, it leads to a more civilized society. On the other hand, there are some controversial reasons why freedom of data should be limited. Some people abuse freedom and utilize it for illegal purposes like threat and violence in society. There should be a type of consideration about publication of secret information in order not to cause serious damages. As a result, hiding secrets is only useful for the purpose of waging war. To avoid war and have a safer country, not revealing private information is an advantage. To be concluded, freedom of information is extremely important and government should pay special attention to provide this chance for people. However, I estimate that in some situations, which I have mentioned, there have to be some limits.
Having the opportunity to
be informed
about what is happening in the country, is an essential component of public rights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that we should not be able to know whatever we like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others do not have the same view.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relationship between citizens and authorities.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
Possible spelling mistake found.
transparancy
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and if they feel free to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
they need, there won't be massive waves of demonstrations every month.
Consequently
, it leads to a more civilized society.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
controversial reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of data should
be limited
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
and utilize it for illegal purposes like threat and violence in society. There should be a type of consideration about publication of secret
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in order not to cause serious damages.
As a result
, hiding secrets is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
useful for the purpose of waging war. To avoid war and have a safer country, not revealing private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is an advantage.

To
be concluded
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay special attention to provide this chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I estimate that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, which I have mentioned, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limits.
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IELTS essay Freedom of information is good or bad

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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