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For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples from your experience.

For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples from your experience. 1mMLA
As modernisation has increase number of unnecessary things have started becoming priority for people. According to me surely it is a negative development and individual should gake control over it. In this essay i intend to explain my point through some reasons. After invention of online shopping application most of the time number of people scroll apps in free time which result in buying unnecessary products and advertisements plays a major role in this. For instance, before every vidio on youtube there is advertisement of either chocolate or toys and then after watching it kids ask their parents to buy the sale thing for them, also not only kids but adults also ended up buying gadgets specially teenagers. Nowadays, if people are bored or want to divert their mind they prefer shopping to change mood. No one think of helping poor people instead of buying attractive items like dream catcher or clothes.
As
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
has increase number of unnecessary things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
becoming priority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
surely
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and individual should
Possible spelling mistake found.
gake
control over it. In this essay
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

After invention of online shopping application most of the time number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
scroll apps in free time which result in buying unnecessary products and advertisements plays a major role in this.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
every
Possible spelling mistake found.
vidio
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
there is
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
either chocolate or toys and then after watching it kids ask their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the sale thing for them,
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adults
also
ended up buying gadgets
specially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

Nowadays, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are bored
or want to divert their mind they prefer shopping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
mood. No one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of buying attractive items like dream catcher or clothes.

IELTS essay For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples from your experience.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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