Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice. GMeLm
In this contemporary world, everyone is running behind the money without giving much thought to their health and family. According to me spare time is crucial than more money, because it helps to keep body and mind healthy, as well as strong family bond. In this essay, I am going to elaborate the factors of this reason. First and the foremost, fitness is essential rather than money, so people should consider the "me time" for themselves. Moreover, human body is like a machine, which also need little break after some-time, so people should get this break to recover the mind and body. Additionally, extra workload may lead to serious deceases, and sometime only cash is not enough to save the life, so precaution is always better. For example, study reveals that the people who work extra time to make a money are always lacking in soundness because of pressure. Furthermore, free time is extremely necessary for the family relationship, because most of the relation depends upon the quantity of time. In addition, masses should consider the family time similarly to their work. Many times, people who work seven days to earn well always face issues in personal life. For instance, most of developed countries set a limit of working hours to stable the balance between personal and professional life. To conclude, the keeping free time for health and family is more imperative as comparison to wealth, because we cannot buy everything with money, so people should manage their time accordingly.
In this contemporary world, everyone is running

behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without giving much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to

their health and family.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is

Use "(crucial)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
crucial
than more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep


body and mind healthy,
as well
as strong family bond.

In this essay, I am going to elaborate the factors of this

reason.

First
and the foremost, fitness is essential
rather
than

money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should consider the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
me time
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for

themselves.
Moreover
, human body is like a machine,

which
also
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
break after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
-time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this break to recover the mind and body.

Additionally
, extra workload may lead to serious

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
deceases
, and sometime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cash is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to

save the life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
precaution is always better. For

example, study reveals that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work extra

time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are always lacking in soundness

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pressure.

Furthermore
, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
extremely
necessary for the

family relationship,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the relation

depends upon the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
, masses

should consider the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
similarly
to their work.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work seven days to earn well

always face issues in personal life.
For instance
, most

of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
set a limit of working hours to

stable the balance between personal and professional

life.

To conclude
, the keeping free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for health and

family is more imperative as comparison to wealth,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
accordingly
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    talk about your favorite tv or radio program
    Well, I guess I could start off by pointing something about the type of the program. Actually, nowadays, I don’t watch television that often but I used to be a couch potato in my high school years. I remember sitting in front of the TV and channel-surfed until I sound something interesting. One day,...
  • 5.5band
    Children have more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development
    It is an irrefutable fact that there is dramatic change occure among the populace in these days. It is claim that teenagers has been excessive librated rather then in the ancient time. This is the beneficial evolution and will explicate in upcoming fragments along with reason prior to conclution is ...
  • 6band
    Give your opinion about sport.
    Sport is probably as old as the humanity itself. It has been developing with the developing and growth of the mankind. We can hardly overestimate the meaning of sport in our life and day-to-day activities, because its main purpose is to bring up the harmoniously developed generation-the generation o...
  • 5.5band
    Space exploration is waste of time
    It is undeniable fact that, there are two different thoughts on exploring of space. Some people consider that spending time and money on space is unnecessary, the others think that it is important. While looking at the advantages of space exploration allows us to prepare for potential dangerous such...
  • 5.5band
    Describe a TV or radio presenter you like
    With a pleasant personality, the television anchors make a berth among the audience, globally. In India, I prefer programs anchored by beautiful presenter Ayesha Faridi. Principally she is a news presenter and anchors business news events at CNBC TV18 and had continued with the television station s...
  • 6band
    High fuel price is the only way to decrease environmental hazard.
    Clean and green environment where we can breathe easily is the thing of past. There are various air borne diseases as a result of contamination of air which is becoming a hot topic. One of the main cause is fuel consumed by running vehicles. It's debatable that increasing fuel price alone will solve...