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For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extant do you agree or disagree? v.1

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extant v. 1
Some people think that both parents and teachers impact on children intelligence and social development. Teachers are act as root and children are the plants. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that teachers have more impact than parents in their development. On the one hand, I believe that teachers play a vital role on children’s intellectual and social growth. Firstly, teachers are professionally trained, so they are equipped with pedagogical skills and also have a great love for children. Consequently, they can help students develop intelligence as well as communication skills through subjects such as math, music, language and various outdoor activities. Secondly, teachers spend a large amount of time transmitting not only knowledge but also moral lessons to students, which can shape their positive behaviour and make them become good citizens in the future. By contrast, parents are usually busy with their work most of the time so it is difficult to pay any attention to their kids. On the other hand, there are understandable reasons why children’s development could be influenced strongly by their parents. The first reason is that parents are the first teachers of children in the early years. Professional education starts at six or seven years old, until these ages they learn almost aspect of life in childhood such as speaking, exploring nature and values of life from their parents. Another reason is that parents are parents know their children more than other people, therefore, they can identify their children’s weaknesses and strengths. For example, they can give suitable methods to help children balance between recreation and study, resulting in boosting their academic performance. In conclusion, although both teachers and parents have strong influence on children’s development, the role of teachers in is more significant. Since students can be supported by professional teachers and spend so much time with their teachers in school to learn knowledge as well as other useful skills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
intelligence and social development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are act as root and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the plants. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more impact than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their development.

On the one hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a vital role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellectual and social growth.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
professionally
trained,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are equipped
with pedagogical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
have a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students develop intelligence
as well
as communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through subjects such as math, music, language and various outdoor activities.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
spend a large amount of time transmitting not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
moral lessons to students, which can shape their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens in the future. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
usually
busy with their work most of the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is difficult to pay any attention to their kids.

On the other hand
, there are understandable reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development could
be influenced
strongly
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the early years. Professional education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at six or seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, until these ages they learn almost aspect of life in childhood such as speaking, exploring nature and values of life from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
, they can identify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
weaknesses and strengths.
For example
, they can give suitable methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
balance between recreation and study, resulting in boosting their academic performance.

In conclusion
, although both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have strong influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in is more significant. Since students can
be supported
by professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in school to learn knowledge
as well
as other useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extant v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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