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For many young people today ,shopping is their free time activity why fo you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time

For many young people today, shopping is their free time activity why fo you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time L7R8
In this modern society, youngsters are choosing shopping as a hobby, there are many reasons behind that. In my opinion this trend is not a good habit. There are many negative impact behind that, so we have to encourage them to do different activities. First of all, nowadays youngsters are going behind new trends cloths, electronic devices and other accessories. For that, they are asking money from their parents and going for shopping with their friends, whenever they have free time. Some of them not success in there academics because they are not spending time for finishing their assignments. For instance, some children from high class family and some from middle class family. Whoever from high class family, they don't have any issues with money, because they are well settled financially, from house they used to get morethan enough pocket money. In these days, young people doesn't know the value of money. whoever from the middle class family they have to fight with parents for there daily pocket money, so parents will be worried about them. If the parents encouraged them for doing other activities no need to bother about these kind of things. In past, young people used to help there parents for farming, cooking and shopping etc. If they got time they used to spend time with their friend in different kind of activities like sports activities, cultural activities and reading. For example, young people will go with their friends to library and they will discuss about many kind of things, this will helps to improve their knowledge. These knowledge and bonding will help for their future development. To conclude, parents need to supervise and encourage them to do different kind of activities, otherwise they will decide their hobby with their friends. This cause more stress for the parents. If they encouraged their children for other activities, it will help for their future development.
In this modern society, youngsters are choosing
If 'choosing' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to shop".
shopping
as a hobby, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind that. In my opinion this trend is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact behind that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encourage them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays youngsters are going behind new trends cloths, electronic devices and other accessories. For that, they are asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and going for shopping with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, whenever they have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them not success in
Did you mean "their"?
there
academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for finishing their assignments.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children from high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
from middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Whoever from high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they don't have any issues with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are well settled
financially
, from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
morethan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In these days, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
doesn
't know the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whoever
from the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for there daily pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
be worried
about them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encouraged them for doing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
no need to bother about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of things.
Did you mean: "In the past"?
In past
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for farming, cooking and shopping etc. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and reading.
For example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
library and
they will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of things, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
Did you mean "this knowledge" or "These knowledges"?
These knowledge
and bonding will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for their future development.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to supervise and encourage them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
otherwise
they will decide their hobby with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. This cause more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If they encouraged their children for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for their future development.
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IELTS essay For many young people today, shopping is their free time activity why fo you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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