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Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? jXBX
Although film and music icons receive high remuneration for their work, which reflect in their lifestyle, there are several among them who are depressed and detached from social life, and as well addicted to drugs and alcohol. I completely agree with the fact that the level of financial expenditure that an average celebrity spends on their housing, mode of transport and other investments are very high. For instance, Shah Rukh Khan, one of the most influential man in the world and a silver screen star from India, is a high paid actor who owns a house that worth millions. Life stories of actor Sushant Singh Rajput and musician Amy Winehouse contradict one another, as they are both excels in their line of work who were prone to suicidal deaths at a very young age. The level of sacrifice that celebrities vow for being famous is no little, as at times they have to let down their private life, experience detachment from societal living and always stay under lime light where the rise and fall in their careers are constant matters of discussion. It might be a hard duty for an individual who enjoys their personal space, to become a celebrity admired by many, as they might lose their anonymity when in public. Therefore, celebrities despite spending a huge sum on their luxurious standard of living, tend to be in constant state of sorrow, because it forces them to give up several likings from their personal life.
Although film and music icons receive high remuneration for their work, which reflect in their lifestyle, there are several among them
who
are depressed
and detached from social
life
, and
as well
addicted to drugs and alcohol.

I completely
agree with the fact that
the level of financial expenditure that an average
celebrity
spends on their housing, mode of transport and other investments are
very
high.
For instance
, Shah
Rukh
Khan, one of the most influential
man
in the world and a silver screen star from India, is a high paid actor
who
owns
a
house
that worth millions.
Life
stories of actor
Sushant
Singh
Rajput
and musician Amy
Winehouse
contradict one another, as they are both excels in their line of work
who
were prone to suicidal deaths at a
very
young age.

The level of sacrifice that
celebrities
vow for being
famous
is no
little
, as at times they
have to
let
down their private
life
, experience detachment from societal living and always stay under lime light where the rise and fall in their careers are constant matters of discussion. It might be a
hard
duty for an individual
who
enjoys their personal space, to become a
celebrity
admired by
many
, as they might lose their anonymity when in public.

Therefore
,
celebrities
despite spending a huge sum on their luxurious standard of living, tend to be in constant state of sorrow,
because
it forces them to give up several
likings
from their personal
life
.
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IELTS essay Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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