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Figures show hata some countries have an ever-increasing population. What dou think current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Figures show hata some countries have an ever-increasing population. What dou think current and future effects of this trend for those countries? yG37r
Although population of developted countires have felt, world is getting crowded. The main causes of that birth rate of developing countries is escalated dramatically. This essay will examine present and future main effects of that increase which are poverty because of unemployement and immigration to find better place to leave. Population increase is wanted to improve labour force. However, many under-developed countries do not have shortfall for finding employees. They cannot find enough capital to place where people work; therefore, increasing population means dropping the salaries since owner of capitals demand. Although decreasing level of wage is created new jobs, that means bad work conditions for employees. If labor force grows unexpectedly, stagflation may be faced by workes. Unemployement and low-salaries can happend at the same time; therefore, people do not have any chooses except immigration. Subsequent to poverty, people who want better life try to move to another country. Capital of world has not shared equally by countries; therefore, some parts of world is in better conditions. Citizens of developing countries is willing to live there, even if, they have decent job in their country. Therefore people who make economical immigration is getting increase in proportion of people who make assylum since finding information getting easier. It means that people do not immigrate because of mandatory. They just want to live better. In conclusion, proportion of people who are aged under 15 increasing in some countries that is why they face with unemployement and some people in these countries try to immigrate to another country. If some prevelengs are not taken by policymakers, that criceses may be deepen.
Although population of
Possible spelling mistake found.
developted
Possible spelling mistake found.
countires
have felt, world is getting crowded. The main causes of that birth rate of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is escalated
dramatically
. This essay will examine present and future main effects of that increase which are poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
and immigration to find better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

Population increase
is wanted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not have shortfall for finding employees. They cannot find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
capital to place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, increasing population means dropping the salaries since owner of capitals demand. Although decreasing level of wage
is created
new jobs, that means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
work conditions for employees. If labor force grows
unexpectedly
, stagflation may
be faced
by
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "works", the plural form of the noun 'work'?
workes
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Unemployement
and low-salaries can
Possible spelling mistake found.
happend
at the same time;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any chooses except immigration.

Consider using "after"
Subsequent to
poverty,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want better life try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Capital of world has not shared
equally
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of world is in better conditions. Citizens of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there, even if, they have decent
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "jobbed".
job
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
economical immigration is getting increase in proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
assylum
since finding information getting easier. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not immigrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mandatory. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better.

In conclusion
, proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are aged
under 15 increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that is
why they face with
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to immigrate to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevelengs
are not taken by policymakers, that
Possible spelling mistake found.
criceses
may be
Consider using the past participle "deepened"?
deepen
.
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IELTS essay Figures show hata some countries have an ever-increasing population. What dou think current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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