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Fast Food... health problems and its solution

Fast Food. . . health problems and its solution Rd2k
It is obvious for me to say that we can notice how cites more than ever live in a constant battle with time. As capitalism taught us, time is money, and that is why we try to spend less time on things that does not leaves us money. One of those things is eating. Even though eating is essential for living, we do not give us the necessary time for it or we even tend to do not have a healthy diet. This is due to the belief that eating is not important because while we do it, we are not producing money. That is why fast food was invented. As its name says, this is the easiest way for eating and don’t wasting time cooking or even eating (you can do it while you are walking or while you are driving). And the best part of it is that it is the cheapest food you can find. You may think there are a lot of benefits regarding fast food, and maybe you are right. But we are not considering the health problems this involves. This kind of food is clearly not made for health benefits. In general they are made with plenty of fat and with the worst quality prime matter. This way, prices can decrease significantly. And the main effect of people eating fast food is overweight. Actually, the country that sells the most fast food per year it is also the one with the biggest overweight problems, and that is the US. Few years ago, when I started working, I had no time to cook by myself, so I decided to eat McDonalds almost every day. In about 2 months, I weighted about 8 kilograms more than I was before. Some believe that a way of solving this problem is including more taxes when buying fast food. This way, people won’t be able to buy it frequently. Even though this is a solution, however, I believe the solution should be a better health education since children. This way, people can learn to have a healthy diet, cheaper than buying prepared dishes at any local, and cook quickly so you can spend the time you need in other activities. The school I went when I was a adolescent had a health class for the 3 years of secondary school, and now that we are older, no one of my generation have obesity problems. That’s why I believe that is a better solution than increasing taxes.
It is
The adjective 'obvious' is normally used with 'to': "obvious to me".
obvious for me
to say that we can notice how cites more than ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a constant battle with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As capitalism taught us,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is money, and
that is
why we try to spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on things that does not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "leaf", "leave"?
leaves
us money. One of those things is eating.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
is essential for living, we do not give us the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it or
we even tend to do not have a healthy diet. This is due to the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while we do it, we are not producing money.

That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
was invented
. As its name says, this is the easiest way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
and don’t wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
cooking or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
(you can do it while you are walking or while you are driving). And the best part of it is that it is the cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
you can find.

You may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and maybe you are right.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we are not considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
this involves.

This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
clearly
not made for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits. In
The comma is probably missing here: "general, they".
general they
are made
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and with the worst quality prime matter. This way, prices can decrease
significantly
. And the main effect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is overweight. Actually, the country that sells the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
per year it is
also
the one with the biggest overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, and
that is
the US.

Few years ago, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working, I had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to cook by myself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to eat
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
almost every day. In about 2 months, I weighted about 8 kilograms more than I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that a way of solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is including more taxes when buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
won’t be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
frequently
.
Even though
this is a solution,
however
, I believe the solution should be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education since children. This way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn to have a healthy diet, cheaper than buying prepared dishes at any local, and cook
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you need in other activities. The school I went when I was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adolescent had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for the 3 years of secondary school, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that we are older, no one of my generation have obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. That’s why I believe
that is
a better solution than increasing taxes.
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IELTS essay Fast Food. . . health problems and its solution

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
417 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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