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Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is believed that when people face failure, it means that they have not enough determination. In this essay, I will disagree with this opinion. Because, failure can make people more stronger to achieve their goals. First of all, it can be true that when people fail in doing things in life, it reasons of they are not serious enough in doing them. Many people think that when people have a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed. Failure should not be an option if things are prepared well. However, many people do not realize that behind the great achievement of successful people, they also have had failure moments. But these people had learned new things from their mistakes and improved their work exprience, and they got better results. So, people should not stop when they fall instead of this they make decision from their mistakes. For example, The inventor of light bulbs, Thomas Edison made several attempts to find the best material for the light bulbs. In conclusion, failure can be occured by when people do not have attention to do something. Moreover, failure is a moment in life, where we should inspect our life and try to improve skills.
It
is believed
that when
people
face
failure
, it means that they have not
enough
determination. In this essay, I will disagree with this opinion.
Because
,
failure
can
make
people
more stronger
to achieve their goals.
First of all
, it can be true that when
people
fail in doing things in life, it reasons of they are not serious
enough
in doing them.
Many
people
think
that when
people
have a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed.
Failure
should not be an option if things
are prepared
well.
However
,
many
people
do not realize that behind the great achievement of successful
people
, they
also
have had
failure
moments.
But
these
people
had learned new things from their mistakes and
improved
their work
exprience
, and they
got
better results.
So
,
people
should not
stop
when they fall
instead
of this they
make
decision from their mistakes.
For example
, The inventor of light bulbs, Thomas Edison made several attempts to find the best material for the light bulbs.
In conclusion
,
failure
can be
occured
by when
people
do not have attention to do something.
Moreover
,
failure
is a moment in life, where we should inspect our life and try to
improve
skills
.
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IELTS essay Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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