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Facing Adversity Like a Champ

Facing Adversity Like a Champ kxKM8
The question of whether we should accept the hardship or we should try to change and improve such unpleasant consequences has remained a dilemma for all of us. Although many believe that embracing the difficulties is a better solution, some argue that we should put our effort into changing the difficult situation we are facing. This essay will illustrate the good sides of both these views as I firmly believe both accepting and improving any adversity go hand in hand. On the one hand, accepting that the situation is unchangeable makes us deal with our emotions better. When facing a challenging event, our thoughts and decisions are often blurred by our negative feelings, whether it be disappointment from not getting the job we want or fear for the unforeseeable future. These emotions not only tire us but also impede us from seeing the problem as it is and finding the right solution to solve it. Therefore, I think that it is wise to welcome any hardship with open arms before assessing what we can do and what change can be made in the given conditions. On the other hand, believing strongly that we are capable of defying any adversity is also important as it shows a growth mindset, a way of thinking that allows us to surpass any challenge and maximize our potential. Firstly, assuming that it is possible to exceed any bad situation opens up our options. We will not be stuck in our hardship but rather looking for a way to better our conditions. Secondly, putting effort into changing the situation will make us feel better because no matter we succeed or not, we will know that we have already given it our best shot. In conclusion, I personally agree to both views that when dealing with any adversity, it is necessary that we should learn to accept our unsatisfactory conditions while believing that changes are possible. That is to say once we acknowledge that we are in a difficult situation, we are always capable of surpassing any challenge.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
we should accept the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hardship or
we should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such unpleasant consequences has remained a dilemma for all of us. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that embracing the difficulties is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that we should put our effort into changing the difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
we are facing. This essay will illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides of both these views as I
firmly
believe both accepting and improving any adversity go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
. On the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, accepting that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is unchangeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us deal with our emotions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. When facing a challenging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, our thoughts and decisions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
blurred by our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings, whether it be disappointment from not getting the job we want or fear for the unforeseeable future. These emotions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tire us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
impede us from seeing the problem as it is and finding the right solution to solve it.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is wise to welcome any hardship with open arms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
assessing what we can do and what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can
be made
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
conditions. On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, believing
strongly
that we are capable of defying any adversity is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a growth mindset, a way of thinking that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to surpass any challenge and maximize our potential.
Firstly
, assuming that it is possible to exceed any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
opens up our options. We will not
be stuck
in our hardship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
looking for a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
our conditions.
Secondly
, putting effort into changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no matter we succeed or not, we will know that we have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
it our best shot.
In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to both views that when dealing with any adversity, it is necessary that we should learn to accept our unsatisfactory conditions while believing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are possible.
That is
to say once we acknowledge that we are in a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, we are always capable of surpassing any challenge.
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IELTS essay Facing Adversity Like a Champ

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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