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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned to what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned with this view? QE6P
Nowadays, education is playing a crucial role in development of society, three-fourth of the students are anticipating to pursue their academics in overseas. Although, number of students may face linguistic problems, as well as lack of knowledge about the particular country culture and tradition. But, the advantages overcome these problems such as providing quality education, exchanging the ideas of various people, and countries can make huge profits my overseas students. Firstly, students who are from developing countries such as India, Pakistan, SriLanka and soon may face a lot of problems on language issues. Because most of them are non-native speakers. For instance, recent research conducted by Oxford university by psychology students declared that due to lack of understanding on language, half of the students depress while studying in abroad. Other major issue to be considered is adopting other countries culture and tradition, as currently many of the curriculum as changed, Moreover, many schools are reduced history and culture subjects. Therefore, this made a major disadvantage for students who choose to pursue in abroad with limited knowledge up on culture and language. On the flip side, when compare to the native country overseas provide a quality and premium education to the students. However, in this modern era fifty-percent of the students encouraged to study in abroad. Indeed, there is a lot of scope to learn about world and different kinds of people. Moreover, individuality will develop and students can improve a standard lifestyle. Furthermore, countries such as United States, Canada, United Kingdom provide overseas education profit from many students around the world, and their annual income rose significantly due to students who migrate for purpose of education. In conclusion, it is obvious to face few problems while migrating to other countries. But, the advantages and educational facilities provided there are far better than native country.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is playing a crucial role in development of society, three-fourth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are anticipating to pursue their academics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
. Although, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may face linguistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
as well
as lack of knowledge about the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the advantages overcome these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as providing quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, exchanging the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
students.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as India, Pakistan,
Possible spelling mistake found.
SriLanka
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on language issues.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
most of them are non-native speakers.
For instance
, recent research conducted by Oxford university by psychology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
declared that due to lack of understanding on language, half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
depress while studying in abroad. Other major issue to
be considered
is adopting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition, as
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the curriculum as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
subjects.
Therefore
, this made a major disadvantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who choose to pursue in abroad with limited knowledge up on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and language.

On the flip side, when compare to the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
provide a quality and premium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, in this modern era fifty-percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
encouraged to study in abroad.
Indeed
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scope to learn about world and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, individuality will develop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a standard lifestyle.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the United States".
as United States
, Canada, United Kingdom provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
profit from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
around the world, and their annual income rose
significantly
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who migrate for purpose of education.

In conclusion
, it is obvious to face few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
while migrating to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the advantages and educational facilities provided there are far better than native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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