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extracurricular activities are growing in popularity. some people think its good for teens while others think its bad. to what extent do you agree or disagree

extracurricular activities are growing in popularity. some people think its good for teens while others think its bad. 2aKAM
In this day and age, there is a prevalence among youngsters taking part in social activities which can be attributed to copious purposes. in my opinion, these activities are beneficial in light of the merits they generate, however, there are still some drawbacks remain that should be taken into consideration On the positive side, it is noteworthy that juveniles, mainly their cultivation, can considerably benefit from these activities. Through these activities, they can sharpen their social skills besides acquiring empirical knowledge as many organizations offer their participants the chance to get to know more about their surroundings, promote their awareness and consciousness to the catastrophes faced by others. Moreover, these activities are likely to heighten the chance of the youths to get a scholarship. Besides superb academic studying, one of the utmost keys for a scholarship that international schools are looking for in their applicants is community contribution. applicants with a high rate of community contribution will more likely to win the tender than those having a low frequency of partaking in social activities Apart from the aforementioned merits above, some repercussions should be taken into consideration. Social activities will likely to interfere between students and their school work as some are too absorbed in joining organizations and will choose to give priority to the activities rather than the homework. students these days are overwhelmed with homework, especially those in the last school years. therefore, social activities might not be a good choice for them as they would suffer from time mismanagement and above all fatigue In light of the aforementioned analysis, social activities are vital for better development albeit they have some drawbacks. suitable measures should be taken to deal with the matter of time mismanagement and exhaustion for students joining these organizations
In this day and age, there is a prevalence among youngsters taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which can
be attributed
to copious purposes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are beneficial in light of the merits they generate,
however
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks remain that should
be taken
into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consideration


On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, it is noteworthy that juveniles,
mainly
their cultivation, can
considerably
benefit from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they can sharpen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
besides
acquiring empirical knowledge as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations offer their participants the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about their surroundings, promote their awareness and consciousness to the catastrophes faced by others.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are likely to heighten the chance of the youths to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a scholarship.
Besides
superb academic studying, one of the utmost keys for a scholarship that international schools are looking for in their applicants is community contribution.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
applicants
with a high rate of community contribution will more likely to win the tender than those having a low frequency of partaking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
activities


Apart from the aforementioned merits above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
repercussions should
be taken
into consideration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will likely to interfere between students and their school work as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are too absorbed in joining organizations and will choose to give priority to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than the homework.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
these days
are overwhelmed
with homework,
especially
those in the last school years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
might not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for them as they would suffer from time mismanagement and
above all
fatigue

In light of the aforementioned analysis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are vital for better development albeit they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
suitable
measures should
be taken
to deal with the matter of time mismanagement and exhaustion for students joining these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
organizations

IELTS essay extracurricular activities are growing in popularity. some people think its good for teens while others think its bad.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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