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Express your point of view on the benefits of taking online courses.

Express your point of view on the benefits of taking online courses. BLRRd
Due to the severe damages of COVID-19, it has resulted in a new way of having academic training besides with traditional lessons. It is taking online course. As a youngster who has been attending online educational programs for a long time, I strongly agree with the profits of learning and connecting by working with technology. Firstly, taking online courses is able to maximize everybody’s self-discipline when he or she has to deal with different aspects of studying. There is no doubt that it would be a fat chance for us to stimulate youngsters to become more independent and co-opperative. Secondly, by the decrease of people who are going out, there has been a favourable result in preventing the pandemic in every country. Along with more citizens who are being vaccinated, the politics believe that there would be more optimistic signs in this dreadful conditions in all over the world. In conclusion, taking online courses might be hard at first, but gradually we would be able to obtain those huge benefits from it
Due to the severe damages of COVID-19, it has resulted
Consider replacing "in a new way" with the adverb for "new"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a new way
of having academic training
besides
with traditional lessons. It is taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
course. As a youngster who has been attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
educational programs for a long time, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the profits of learning and connecting by working with technology.
Firstly
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses is able to maximize everybody’s self-discipline when he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of studying. There is no doubt that it would be a
Sarcasm can be deemed as rude. Consider alternatives.
fat chance
for us to stimulate youngsters to become more independent and
Possible spelling mistake found.
co-opperative
.
Secondly
, by the decrease of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are going out, there has been a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
result in preventing the pandemic in every country. Along with more citizens who are
being vaccinated
, the politics believe that there would be more optimistic signs in this dreadful conditions in all over the world.
In conclusion
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gradually
we would be able to obtain those huge benefits from
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay Express your point of view on the benefits of taking online courses.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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