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Explain your motivation for applying for Kyoto iUP and learning the Japanese language

Explain your motivation for applying for Kyoto iUP and learning the Japanese language Vwpyw
The rapid progress of Globalization in the past few years has made it a lot easier and difficult at the same time for people to connect. People turn into icons on screens rather than real humans. That unavoidable wave of loneliness intensified in the last two years due to the covid pandemic. This wave wasn't something I could surf through. I had lost a lot of my confidence and spunk in the last year. Once I realized that I knew something had to change. Later I stumbled upon Kyoto iUP, intrigued I began looking into it and the more I researched the more I found myself wanting to apply. I believe
The rapid progress of Globalization in the past few years has made it a lot easier and difficult at the same time for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to connect.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
turn into icons on screens
rather
than real humans. That unavoidable wave of loneliness intensified in the last two years due to the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
pandemic.

This wave wasn't something I could surf through. I had lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
my confidence and spunk in the last year.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
I realized that I knew something had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Later I stumbled upon Kyoto
Possible spelling mistake found.
iUP
, intrigued I began looking into it and the more I researched the more I found myself wanting to apply. I
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
believe

IELTS essay Explain your motivation for applying for Kyoto iUP and learning the Japanese language

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
110 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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