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Experts say that if older people spend their time with others and take exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier because many of them are suffering from isolation and lack of fitness.Discuss the causes and solution

Older people plays essential role in everyone's life. Experts say that when senior citizens time invest with their friends, family members and others then they would have and heart. Nowadays, mostly elders people are telling under lack of fitness and loneliness. Let us deliberate some issues and solutions which will lead towards a logical inference. To begin with, there are myriad of causes to shore light upon given proclivity. Discussing the first problem, in modern epoch, gap generation. To justify, in modern era, mostly young generations migrate from another countries and cities but older multitudes mostly preffered to villages due to gap generation older people feel lonely. To exemplify, a research done by scholars of Columbia they revealed that 75% of youngsters went to abroad. owing to that reason because their are plethora of good facilities and opportunities in other cities.
Older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
plays
essential role in everyone's life. Experts say that when senior citizens time invest with their friends, family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
then they would have and heart. Nowadays,
mostly
elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are telling under lack of fitness and loneliness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us deliberate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues and solutions which will lead towards a logical inference.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are myriad of causes to shore light upon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proclivity. Discussing the
first
problem, in modern epoch, gap generation. To justify, in modern era,
mostly
young generations migrate from another countries and cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
older multitudes
mostly
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
to villages due to gap generation older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel lonely. To exemplify, a research done by scholars of Columbia they revealed that 75% of youngsters
There isn’t usually a preposition before “abroad”. Did you mean “went abroad”?
went to abroad
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
owing
to that reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean “there”?
their
are plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities and opportunities in other cities.

IELTS essay Experts say that if older people spend their time with others and take exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier because many of them are suffering from isolation and lack of fitness. Discuss the causes and solution

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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