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Experts say that. Elder people are more happy in past because they did exercise and spent most time with family and friends.But nowadays they suffer from lonileness and health problems.What are the cause of this problem and solution to reduce the problems.

Experts say that. Elder people are more happy in past because they did exercise and spent most time with family and friends. But nowadays they suffer from lonileness and health problems. What are the cause of this problem and solution to reduce the problems. M3Oya
Nowadays, group of people suffer from isolation and health problems due to lack of balance between personal and professional life. However, in the past, older people lived with joy because they spent more time with family and did various physical activities which keeps them fit which is believed by experts. In this essay, I elucidate possible reasons for these acute problems and propose handful remedies to tackle this issue. To commence with, there are manifold reasons why it is happening? First and foremost, hectic schedule is a major cause of these issues. To elaborate, in these salad days, masses run after money which make their life busy and due to this people do not spend time with family and friends. As a result of this, individuals trap into loneliness and this phenomenon cause havoc in their mind and spread several disease such as hypertension, digressions and so on. Secondly, technology takes part in life and everybody remain stuck on electronic gadgets and they do not have a single second for their guardians. Consequently, this leads to isolation and this trend indirectly have impact on health. Undoubtedly every lock has a key and there are some solutions to be implemented. Firstly, people should have to acquire balance between their life and management should be given holidays to their employees which assist them to achieve equilibrium and strengthen the bond. Secondly, people should have to take part in physical activities which reduces their feelings of isolation and health issues. To be more precise, older people in past were happier and healthier because they did exercise; therefore, to reduce these problems, one should have to follow the same trend with the help of yoga. To recapitulate, I assert that loneliness is a chronic menace which only disappear from its roots when one can achieve balance and by taking part into extreme activities. However, these causes can be minimised by strong efforts.
Nowadays, group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from isolation and health problems due to lack of balance between personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, in the past, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with joy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spent more time with family and did various physical activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them fit which
is believed
by experts. In this essay, I elucidate possible reasons for these acute problems and propose handful remedies to tackle this issue. To commence with, there are manifold reasons why it is happening?
First
and foremost, hectic schedule is a major cause of these issues. To elaborate, in these salad days, masses run after money which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
busy and due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend time with family and friends.
As a result
of this, individuals trap into loneliness and this phenomenon cause havoc in their mind and spread
Possible agreement error. The noun disease seems to be countable; consider using: "several diseases".
several disease
such as hypertension, digressions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "remains", "remained".
remain
stuck on electronic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gadgets and
they do not have a single second for their guardians.
Consequently
, this leads to isolation and this trend
indirectly
have impact on health.
Undoubtedly
every lock has a key and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
be implemented
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
acquire balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and management should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
holidays to their employees which assist them to achieve equilibrium and strengthen the bond.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their feelings of isolation and health issues. To be more precise, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in past were happier and healthier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did exercise;
therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these problems, one should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow the same trend with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of yoga. To recapitulate, I assert that loneliness is a chronic menace which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disappear from its roots when one can achieve balance and by taking part into extreme activities.
However
, these causes can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
by strong efforts.
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IELTS essay Experts say that. Elder people are more happy in past because they did exercise and spent most time with family and friends. But nowadays they suffer from lonileness and health problems. What are the cause of this problem and solution to reduce the problems.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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