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expanding business and cultural contacts between Nations bring many positive results but other states that it lead to loss of Identities. discuss both views and give your own opinion

expanding business and cultural contacts between Nations bring many positive results but other states that it lead to loss of Identities. discuss both views and give your own opinion Myk59
Unlike the past, there have been advancements in the globe regarding business. Business and cultural contacts bring myriad of pros as asserted by a handful of individuals with others consider this as the diminishing of identities. However, I am Accord with the former view and discuss the aforementioned views in forthcoming clauses. To commence with the several arguments favouring the expansion of business, the first and foremost favour is increment in availability of commodities. To elaborate, with expansion of trade, distinct varieties and types of items are available in a particular Nation even if they are not manufactured in that country. For instance, APPLE is a renowned company eminent for making digital tools of USA but they are available almost in every nation of the world. Probing ahead, another pivotal comment is improvement in relations among the distinct Nations due to broadening of business. In other words, export and import of scars things not only enhance their relation but also increase their economy. On the flip side, expansion of trades result in loss of Identities. Firstly, it lead to loss in minority languages. By dint of, due to expansion of cultures and majority of individuals prefer to utilise English as compared to their other native languages. Secondly, more influence of other Nation cultures on individuals of particular country. That is, individuals being influenced by other's dressing sense and eating habits try to follow them and disappearance of identities occurred. To recapitulate, although expansion of business resulted in loss of languages and their extinction but I am accord with the former view due to its more positive consequences.
Unlike the past, there have been advancements in the globe regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
and cultural contacts bring myriad of pros as asserted by a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
with others consider this as the diminishing of identities.
However
, I am Accord with the former view and discuss the aforementioned views in forthcoming clauses. To commence with the several arguments
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expansion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, the
first
and foremost
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
is increment in availability of commodities. To elaborate, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expansion
of trade, distinct varieties and types of items are available in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nation
even if they are not manufactured in that country.
For instance
, APPLE is a renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
eminent for making digital tools of USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are available almost in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
of the world. Probing ahead, another pivotal comment is improvement in relations among the distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
due to broadening of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, export and import of scars things not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their relation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase their economy.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expansion
of trades result in loss of Identities.
Firstly
, it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to loss in minority languages. By dint of, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expansion
of cultures and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
English as compared to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
native languages.
Secondly
, more influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nation
cultures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
of particular country.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
being influenced
by other's dressing sense and eating habits try to follow them and disappearance of identities occurred.

To recapitulate, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expansion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
resulted in loss of languages and their extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am accord with the former view due to its more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences.
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IELTS essay expanding business and cultural contacts between Nations bring many positive results but other states that it lead to loss of Identities. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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