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Excessive population increase is raising the pressure on earth. Therefore it is individual's responsibility to utilise earthly resources adequately. v.3

Excessive population increase is raising the pressure on earth. Therefore it is individual's responsibility to utilise earthly resources adequately. v. 3
Advancement in technology and social revolutions have opened various avenues for the humankind. People are exploring each and every viable option produced by the Earth for their livelihood and luxury. Have it been an excess utilisation of electricity, water, fertile lands for agriculture, or natural gas resources, mother earth has been exploited to a great extent! In apropos of the argument, though I agree that dwellers can spend natural resources with appropriate concoction, notwithstanding I am convinced that government must pass legislation to prevent overuse of natural resources. To begin with, the world population has increased at a multifold rate in the past three decades, which has increased the usage of natural resources throughout the world. These are limited in quantity, so they should be used with adequate deliberation, else it is certain that the human has to live without them in coming years or so. This can be confirmed by the report from the environmental department of India that has warned the human to use water and coal in limited amount to conserve them for future. Hence, the human must act intelligently to prevent the shortage of mandatory ingredients of life. Nevertheless, the responsibility of using the natural resources prudently should not fall only on citizens but also on a government. It is a government' s duty to pass obligations to use such resources sensibly. If the lawmakers can pass proper laws to save the mother planet, then residents will certainly follow it. Evidently, it will help optimise the expenditure of natural constituents. For instance, nobody would use personal vehicle to commute if the government had the provision of fine on using them. Thus, the cabinet must control the overexploitation using their lawmaking ability. To sum up, while deliberate usage of natural resources is a liability of every responsible citizen, but it is the government that can derive it forcefully.
Advancement in technology and social revolutions have opened various avenues for the humankind.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are exploring each and every viable option produced by the Earth for their livelihood and luxury. Have it been an excess
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of electricity, water, fertile lands for agriculture, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
gas resources, mother earth has
been exploited
to a great extent! In apropos of the argument, though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that dwellers can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources with appropriate concoction, notwithstanding I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass legislation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the world population has increased at a
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
rate in the past three decades, which has increased the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources throughout the world. These
are limited
in quantity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with adequate deliberation, else it is certain that the human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without them in coming years or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This can
be confirmed
by the report from the environmental department of India that has warned the human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
water and coal in limited amount to conserve them for future.
Hence
, the human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act
intelligently
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the shortage of mandatory ingredients of life.

Nevertheless
, the responsibility of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources
prudently
should not fall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. It is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s duty to pass obligations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such resources
sensibly
. If the lawmakers can pass proper laws to save the mother planet, then residents will
certainly
follow it.
Evidently
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimise' is British English.
optimise
the expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
constituents.
For instance
, nobody would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal vehicle to commute if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had the provision of fine on using them.
Thus
, the cabinet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control the overexploitation using their lawmaking ability.

To sum up, while deliberate usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources is a liability of every responsible citizen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that can derive it
forcefully
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Excessive population increase is raising the pressure on earth. Therefore it is individual's responsibility to utilise earthly resources adequately. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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