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Examine the argument in favor of and against personal growth and come to a conclusion on this thought

Examine the argument in favor of and against personal growth and come to a conclusion on this thought E3wQL
Introduction In earlier days I wanted to become a computerized games developer, but with the passage of time my priorities changed and now I made my final decision to become a UX/UI designer. There are a plethora of reasons why I am excited and interested in this field. First reason is that I plan to follow in the footsteps of my cousin. I just love his work; for instance not reporting to anyone and working freelance, handling many projects at the same time. At the earlier stage of Life “Step out of your comfort zone, or situations will force you to come out”. As a kid I was not aware of my future plans, always playing games, getting poor marks, hanging out with friends and even worse I started failing in exams. In other words I was going with the flow in my comfort zone. As soon I started realising things that I have to do something before things fall out of hand. Hence I joined engineering school to pursue my goal of becoming a computerized game developer. Learning Curve At this stage, I was a mature man worried about his future, graduated in computer science and looking for a job. Fortunately one of my good friends offered me a job of junior web developer in a well reputed company. Everyday i learnt new things and realised that industrial jobs are way more advanced than the study i have done. To make games I have to learn more coding languages and some 3D animation softwares. I was confused and did not know what to do. Along with this my seniors were happy with my work and decided to give me an entire project. I do not know why but I started enjoying myself while in the research and design phase of the project and I gave my best to that project. Life changing decision for future Everything happens for a reason, due to some critical reasons I have quit my job. I was worried about my future and had a decision with my father. He guided me to study further abroad, this will give me an interval from hectic job life and help me focus on my career. Thus, I made a decision to take a design course and Canada is known for the best education and this led me to take admission in Interactive media management in Conestoga College.
Introduction

In earlier days I wanted to become a computerized
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "games'" or "game's"?
games
developer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the passage of time my priorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I made my final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to become a UX/UI designer. There are a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I
am excited
and interested in this field.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that I plan to follow in the footsteps of my cousin. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
his work;
for instance
not reporting to anyone and working freelance, handling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
projects at the same time.

At the earlier stage of Life

“Step out of your comfort zone, or situations will force you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out”. As a kid I was not aware of my future plans, always playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, getting poor marks, hanging out with friends and even worse I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
failing in exams.
In other words
I was going with the flow in my comfort zone. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
things that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
things fall out of hand.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
engineering school to pursue my goal of becoming a computerized game developer.

Learning Curve

At this stage, I was a mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
worried about his future, graduated in computer science and looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Fortunately
one of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends offered me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of junior web developer in a well reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
Everyday
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
new things and
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are way more advanced than the study
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have done. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn more coding languages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
3D animation
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
. I
was confused
and did not know what to do. Along with this my seniors were happy with my work and decided to give me an entire project. I do not know why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
enjoying myself while in the research and design phase of the project and I gave my best to that project.

Life changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for future

Everything happens for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
I have quit my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
was worried
about my future and had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
with my father. He guided me to study
further
abroad, this will give me an interval from hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me focus on my career.
Thus
, I made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to take a design course and Canada
is known
for the best education and this led me to take admission in Interactive media management in Conestoga College.
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IELTS essay Examine the argument in favor of and against personal growth and come to a conclusion on this thought

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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