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everyone can access appropriate health care, others don’t agree with this point

everyone can access appropriate health care, others don’t agree with this point 2xn8X
Health is the only thing that can sustain our life so it’s very important. Nowadays, advances in medical technology lead to new drugs being created and born, that means the cost of medicine will also increase and it makes it difficult for the poor. Some people say that everyone can access appropriate health care, others don’t agree with this point. In my mind, Both views have good and bad sides and I will show them in the article below. On the one hand, health is the most important thing in ourlive so everyone should have access to the best medicine. In today's development, it is very hard to accept that a person dies because there is not enough money for. So government should treat everyone equally, they should make sure all treatments are available to everyone even if they can't afford it. If not, the poor may meet more troubles if the price of the medicine still increase. Moreover, government also need strict management so that everyone can get the best health care at the hospital and it also reflects the humanity of a country's leaders. On the others hand, humanity in medicine can also bring some disadvantages to society. Some people may not consciously abuse this and arbitrarily use rare and expensive drugs and it leads to injustice. Additionally, with great evolution, more and more drugs are invented, so it need to be sold at a high price to be worth the effort of the maker. If drugs are used a lot, it can cause a shortage of medicine because of a lack of manpower. Furthermore, it can cause conflicts and grievances in the hospital. In short, Everyone needs to be treated equally so that the poor can afford and have access to medicine. And the state should invest in this industry to develop it in the best way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that can sustain our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Nowadays, advances in medical technology lead to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
being created
and born, that means the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
will
also
increase and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for the poor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
can access appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, others don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point. In my mind, Both views have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them in the article below.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ourlive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should have access to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's development, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to accept that a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
equally
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure all treatments are available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
even if they can't afford it. If not, the poor may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
more troubles if the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
still
increase.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
need strict management
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care at the hospital and it
also
reflects the humanity of a country's leaders.

On the others hand, humanity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
can
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not
consciously
abuse this and
arbitrarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
rare and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and it leads to injustice.
Additionally
, with great evolution, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are invented
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
Did you mean "needs"?
need
to
be sold
at a high price to be worth the effort of the maker. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a lot, it can cause a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of manpower.
Furthermore
, it can cause conflicts and grievances in the hospital.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Everyone
needs to
be treated
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the poor can afford and have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. And the state should invest in this industry to develop it in the best way.
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IELTS essay everyone can access appropriate health care, others don’t agree with this point

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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