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Everybody must give decision for themselves. It is a vital point for today society. We became more independent day by day.

Everybody must give decision for themselves. It is a vital point for today society. We became more independent day by day. BMmX5
Everybody must give decision for themselves. It is a vital point for today society. We became more independent day by day. In addition to that, giving a decision for kids is a complicated issue. Some people believe that children can make their own choices; In contrast, others believe if they make all decision for themselves, they would be selfish people in the future. In this essay, I discuss both view and i give my opinion. First group of people think that children can make their own choices on daily matter like a food, clothes. making own decision can be good for them. Children will become more independent, which is good for their future life. For instance, Steve Jobs, who is former CEO of Apple, mention about that when i was six i gave all of decision by myself and i can give decision easily. As we see in example, more younger is more better. To sum up, small choices must be made by children. On the other hand, some believe when children to make their own decision, it is bad for society. This is the result of individualism and it cause forget our culture. Parents can make a decision for their children so they can understand importance of family. They said that family is the key for society and we have to protect it. In my opinion, we must consider our children's development. Making their decision is better for them. The others have a good points but this is not related to this subject. In fact, when children make their decision, it is better for society. In conclusion, raising a decent children is hard; However, making their own choose is always better for their improvement and it is not linked to selfishness or individuals who only think about their own wishes.
Everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for themselves. It is a vital point for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
society. We became more independent day by day.
In addition
to that, giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for kids is a complicated issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices;
In contrast
, others believe if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for themselves, they would be selfish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future. In this essay, I discuss both view and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
give my opinion.

First
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices on daily matter like a food, clothes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will become more independent, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their future life.
For instance
, Steve Jobs, who is former CEO of Apple,
Did you mean simply "mention that"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about that
when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was six
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
gave all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by myself and
Did you mean "I"?
i
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
easily
. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in example,
Use only "younger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more younger
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
by children.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for society. This is the result of individualism and it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
forget our culture. Parents can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can understand importance of family. They said that family is the key for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
protect it.

In my opinion, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider our children's development. Making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for them. The others have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not related to this subject. In fact, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for society.

In conclusion
, raising a decent
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
;
However
, making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choose is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for their improvement and it is not linked to selfishness or individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes.
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IELTS essay Everybody must give decision for themselves. It is a vital point for today society. We became more independent day by day.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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