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Every year government and individuals spent money on New Year and religious celebration (Agree or disagree).

Every year government and individuals spent money on New Year and religious celebration (Agree or disagree). kYxj2
It has been observed that from the last few decades people are spending a lot of money on the celebrations of the new year and religious festivals. However, it is becoming a trend to spend money on the celebrations whether it is Newyear, Birthday, religious festivals. To a certain point, I agree with that but too much spending on these celebrations must be prohibited. To start with, different events in one's life brings a lot of happiness, joyness and closeness of relatives. For example, Eidulfiter and Eidul-Adha people used to spend a lot of money on shopping and slaughtering of animals and also on food items to make different types of dishes on that day. Moreover, It has also been noticed that Government is also taking part to celebrate different festivals and spend a lot of money on it for instance on the New year Eve, 14th August and 6th September government illuminate their buildings with different kinds of lightening and also on fireworks. Despite all the positive aspect of celebrations, people should be aware to not spend too much on any event, as we are living in a Muslim state that does not allow us to spend too much on anything because the excess of everything is bad and will result in destabilization economically. In conclusion, spending on the celebration from the individual or the government must be practised but in a controlled way as these celebration refreshes our mind and we should involve the needy and poor people with us in the celebrations.
It has
been observed
that from the last few decades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
of the new year and religious festivals.
However
, it is becoming a trend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
whether it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newyear
, Birthday, religious festivals. To a certain point, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
too much spending on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prohibited
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in one's life brings a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of happiness,
Possible spelling mistake found.
joyness
and closeness of relatives.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eidulfiter
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eidul-Adha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on shopping and slaughtering of animals and
also
on food items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of dishes on that day.

Moreover
, It has
also
been noticed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is
also
taking part to celebrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
festivals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on it
for instance
on the New year Eve, 14th August and 6th September
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
illuminate their buildings with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of lightening and
also
on fireworks.

Despite all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much on any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, as we are living in a Muslim state that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much on anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the excess of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and will result in destabilization
economically
.

In conclusion
, spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
from the individual or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a controlled way as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
refreshes our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
we should involve the needy and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with us in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
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IELTS essay Every year government and individuals spent money on New Year and religious celebration (Agree or disagree).

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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