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Essay for Ielts writing about sports

Essay for Ielts writing about sports 1kypM
There are a lot of sports activities developing everyday while at the same time the number of people who spend all work time sitting in the office or at home is increasing rapidly. This negative trend has a horrible effect on an employee's physical and mental health. In a modern world different technologies and services are everywhere, so they are causing reasons why so many people have an inactive way of living. To begin with, there are a lot of online work places appearing now, that is why plenty of freelancers and programmistes have to sit in front of the computer screen. Secondly, deliveries and other services are improving too. Citizens have the opportunity not to go shopping therefore they can spend more time watching their favourite series or scrolling feed in social media. In addition, contemporary people have not got enough motivation and often postpone their wishes for tomorrow, going to fitness is not the exception. To reduce the problem, the authorities should promote the active style of living and explain to society that due to doing sports they can have less problems with their cardiovascular and psychic system. What is more, the government can hold some engaging festivals sometimes including activ events where people would like to go instead of staying at home. Moreover, big companies must take care of their workers and provide big discounts or give even free access to gyms and sport grounds. As a result, it can help to make people take steps to do some physical activities on their own.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sports activities developing everyday while at the same time the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend all work time sitting in the office or at home is increasing
rapidly
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend has a horrible effect on an employee's physical and mental health.

In a modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
technologies and services are everywhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are causing reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an inactive way of living. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
online work places appearing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of freelancers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
programmistes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sit in front of the computer screen.
Secondly
, deliveries and other services are improving too. Citizens have the opportunity not to go shopping
therefore
they can spend more time watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
series or scrolling feed in social media.
In addition
, contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
postpone their wishes for tomorrow, going to fitness is not the exception.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problem, the authorities should promote the active style of living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to society that due to doing sports they can have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun problems is countable.
less
problems with their cardiovascular and psychic system.
What is more
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
engaging festivals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
including activ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to go
instead
of staying at home.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of their workers and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
discounts or give even free access to gyms and sport grounds.
As a result
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
The usual collocation for "steps" is "take". Did you mean "steps to take"?
steps to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay Essay for Ielts writing about sports

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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