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entertainers are highly paid do you agree or disagree which job should be highly paid?

entertainers are highly paid which job should be highly paid? VBxgm
In the contemporary world, Critics say people in the entertainment industry are being offered hefty cash in lieu of their performance. I disagree with this belief. Besides, this I also believe that the people who are serving our nation should be equally appreciated in monetary terms. To begin with, in the entertainment industry performers are known to receive huge amounts of money since they are performing an art, and any artist, even if it is just acting, should receive huge sums of money. Undoubtedly, their life seems simple, they put in the enormous hard work to bring a smile on other people’s face, which is considered as the most difficult task. In addition, they sometimes have to go through tough physical transitions just to be in the character they are portraying. For example, according to an article in The Forbes magazine, entertainers are pushing their limits to be more relatable to their viewers. On the other hand, there are highly reputed jobs which are rewarded low salaries, such as army soldiers, in spite of the fact that they are serving our nation at the cost of their life and family. At the same time, there are official reports that depict the low wages of people in the armed forces. It is often said if they would not perform their duty, any country would not be safe. Despite the risk, their salary is not sufficient to justify their sacrifice. To illustrate, in an academic research done at Cambridge University, it has been shown that a vast majority of people prefer other highly paid jobs instead of the armed forces as they pay less. If the existing unacceptable scenario prevails for long, then the number of aspirants for the armed forces will keep on declining. In conclusion, I concur with the high salaries of entertainers since they are making content for our leisure time by sacrificing their personal life. Alongside, As far as other well respected jobs are concerned, such as army service, even they must receive a salary commensurate with their unmatched contribution in the overall well being and safety of the country.
In the contemporary world, Critics say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the entertainment industry are
being offered
hefty cash in lieu of their performance. I disagree with this belief.
Besides
, this I
also
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are serving our nation should be
equally
appreciated in monetary terms.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the entertainment industry performers
are known
to receive huge amounts of money since they are performing an art, and any artist, even if it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acting, should receive huge sums of money.
Undoubtedly
, their life seems simple, they put in the enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to bring a smile on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
face, which
is considered
as the most difficult task.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through tough physical transitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be in the character they are portraying.
For example
, according to an article in The Forbes magazine, entertainers are pushing their limits to be more relatable to their viewers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
highly
reputed jobs which
are rewarded
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, such as army soldiers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that they are serving our nation at the cost of their life and family. At the same time, there are official reports that depict the low wages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the armed forces. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said if they would not perform their duty, any country would not be safe. Despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is not sufficient to justify their sacrifice. To illustrate, in an academic research done at Cambridge University, it has
been shown
that a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
highly
paid jobs
instead
of the armed forces as they pay less. If the existing unacceptable scenario prevails for long, then the number of aspirants for the armed forces will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on declining.

In conclusion
, I concur with the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of entertainers since they are making content for our leisure time by sacrificing their personal life. Alongside, As far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
well respected jobs
are concerned
, such as army service, even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
commensurate with their unmatched contribution in the
overall
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and safety of the country.
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IELTS essay entertainers are highly paid which job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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