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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum b88Y
Students are the future of the nation. In this modern era providing Physical fitness knowledge to the children's is must. It has always been a controversial issue that Parents should be responsible for this and school should remove lessons from their curriculum. Well according to me i will put my stance on School's responsibility To start with, physical fitness plays and essential role in each child's life. In contemporary era, both parents are working and they don't give enough time to their kids and their children end up using time on technology which is leading them to face fatal diseases. Many student they spend their maximum time in institutes for study and sports purpose and they get knowledge and learnings of team work. For an example i was into boarding school and school has given me the chance to get into sports competitions to play games such as Badminton, football and many more. This was only possible owing to having many other student around. Probing further, Academics focus on adding fitness exercises in their syllabus because it helps students to get socialised and they found ease to interact with others. During schools, teachers keeps an eye on students so they should not get hurt as well to keep balance in their study along with sports. Moreover children prefers having same age group to play around and they can get it in schools. For an instance, Running is physical work and many school conduct marathons where student take part in it and they enjoy their time spent with friends. To conclude further schools should take responsibility to provide such facilities. which can help them to manage properly and to take ownership towards achieving their goal.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are the future of the nation. In this modern era providing Physical fitness knowledge to the children's is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. It has always been a controversial issue that Parents should be responsible for this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should remove lessons from their curriculum. Well according to me
Did you mean "I"?
i
will put my stance on School's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
responsibility


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, physical fitness plays and essential role in each child's life. In contemporary era, both parents are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they don't give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their kids and their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on technology which is leading them to face fatal diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
they spend their maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in institutes for study and sports
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
purpose and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge and learnings of team work. For an example
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was into boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into sports competitions to play games such as Badminton, football and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. This was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible owing to having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
around. Probing
further
, Academics focus on adding fitness exercises in their syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
socialised and
they found
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to interact with others. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an eye on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt
as well
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance in their study along with sports.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
children prefers having same age group to play
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
around and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. For an instance, Running is physical work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
conduct marathons where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent with friends.

To conclude
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take responsibility to provide such facilities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to manage
properly
and to take ownership towards achieving their goal.

IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
284 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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