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Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What are the other factors that contribute towards happiness?

Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What are the other factors that contribute towards happiness? LggR
Money is considered to be one of the most vital factors contributing to happiness. It is my opinion that people can be happy without much money and since there are other factors in life which can make a person feel happy. Money contributes towards material happiness. Financial stability and prosperity enable people to acquire materialistic things which can make them feel happy. For example, a person finally buying their dream car can contribute to happiness. However, money alone is not a major factor contributing to feeling happy. Money is an important aspect of life but financial well-being alone does not guarantee happiness. Neither are all the rich happy nor all the poor unhappy. Other factors such as achievements also contribute towards happiness. In a recent survey, it was established that people in developing countries are happier since they enjoy strong familial bonds compared to developed nations. Aspects of life such as job satisfaction, emotional stability are also contributors. For example, there are many involved in the field of medicine and law who derive happiness from their job by helping the downtrodden and poor. In addition, having a loving family and emotional support from this family is considered to be the highest source of happiness a person can have. To conclude, money alone is not the most important factor contributing to happiness. There are other factors such as job satisfaction, emotional support, and familial bonds provide a higher level of joy to people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is considered
to be one of the most vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. It is my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
without much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and since there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in life which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person feel happy.

Money contributes towards material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Financial stability and prosperity enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to acquire materialistic things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
For example
, a person
finally
buying their dream car can contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone is not a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
contributing to feeling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
financial well-being alone does not guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Neither are all the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
nor all the poor unhappy.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as achievements
also
contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In a recent survey, it
was established
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are happier since they enjoy strong familial bonds compared to developed nations. Aspects of life such as job satisfaction, emotional stability are
also
contributors.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
involved in the field of medicine and law who derive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from their job by helping the downtrodden and poor.
In addition
, having a loving family and emotional support from this family
is considered
to be the highest source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
a person can have.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone is not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as job satisfaction, emotional support, and familial bonds provide a higher level of joy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.

IELTS essay Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What are the other factors that contribute towards happiness?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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