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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum XMMA
Children need to be physically active and fit to ensure that their biological growth is normal at all times and the onus of this should lie with their parents and not with schools. These educational institutions should not waste valuable time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. I completely disagree with this idea and this essay will provide reasons and explanations for the same. Firstly, Children spend most of their time in a day at school and it is recommended to exercise there to optimally utilize their time. Furthermore, it would benefit them more, if they spend their energy in exercises under the guidance of professional trainers. Moreover, it is easy for a professional trainer to visit an educational institution and guide a lot of youngsters on how to those physical tasks correctly. For instance, An educational institution can bring more than 1000 students into one location for the purpose of education and it is optimal to conduct a single session on physical activity for all those pupils in the institutional premises instead of asking all those students to go back home and work out individually at their own pace. Therefore, students should participate in games and exercises at school premises to effectively manage their time. Secondly, the result of any physical workout can be more fruitful when that workout is conducted with peers of the same age group. This is because children normally like to participate in physical activities in groups rather than performing any of such activities alone. For example, while running, children who participate, tend to find more motivation to run faster, when they are competing with their school friends of the same age group. As a result, School is the best place to conduct exercises for children as it can get more participants of the same age group to perform any physical activity. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that schools should take the responsibility of ensuring that their pupils have regular physical exercises. This idea can be further supported by the reason that children can do better time management of their day. Also, based on the example given, it has been proved that school is the best place for youngsters to find more motivation to complete physical tasks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to be
physically
active and fit to ensure that their biological growth is normal at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and the onus of this should lie with their parents and not with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. These educational institutions should not waste valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will provide reasons and explanations for the same.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and it
is recommended
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
there to
optimally
utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
, it would benefit them more, if they spend their energy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
under the guidance of professional trainers.
Moreover
, it is easy for a professional trainer to visit an educational institution and guide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
youngsters on how to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks
correctly
.
For instance
, An educational institution can bring more than 1000 students into one location for the purpose of education and it is optimal to conduct a single session on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity for all those pupils in the institutional premises
instead
of asking all those students to go back home and work out
individually
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace.
Therefore
, students should participate in games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises to
effectively
manage their time.

Secondly
, the result of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
workout can be more fruitful when that workout
is conducted
with peers of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
normally
like to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
rather
than performing any of such activities alone.
For example
, while running,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who participate, tend to find more motivation to run faster, when they are competing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
friends of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is the best place to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more participants of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
to perform any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take the responsibility of ensuring that their pupils have regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can be
further
supported by the reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can do better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management of their day.
Also
, based on the example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, it has
been proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the best place for youngsters to find more motivation to complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks.

IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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