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Electronic Gadgets such as mobile phones should be banned in schools.To what extent you agree.Give reason in support of your answer?

Electronic Gadgets such as mobile phones should be banned in schools. Give reason in support of your answer? ljxmK
The dynamics of technology have been changed over the years. Consequently, use of mobile phones and other gadgets in schools become common. In my opinion, the electronic gadgets must be banned in schools and same has been discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, off late, it has been seen that the innocent school kids are using mobile phones and this factor leads to some sort of disaster in their growth. Mobile phones assert numerous disadvantages. Firstly, use of internet in mobile phones, with the advancement of technology the use of internet become very common but internet comprises of enormous sites that leaves negative traces on the innocent minds for an illustration porn sites, these sites contains adult material that should not be seen by the school kids. Secondly, social sites, using of social sites are gradually increasing at faster pace for instance whatsapp, facebook etcetera and most of time school kids are indulge in these activities rather than playing or doing any physical activity. Moving further, interactive learning is the need of the hour but this factor has to be provided by schools only like visual learning, computing skills etcetera however, using mobile phone plays a negative role because the mind of school kids are like molten clay and can be moulded in any shape. Mobile phone is not a mandate thing. Numerous surveys has been conducted in metro cities and all gave the same result that mobile phones should be completely shunned from the schools because it leads to indiscipline and in some cases crime as well for example cyber crime and making adult videos etcetera. To recapitulate, I would like to recapitulate that school kids are innocent and mobile phones acts as an obstacle in their overall development. Mobile phones more acts as a bane rather than boon.
The dynamics of technology have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the years.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and other gadgets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
become common. In my opinion, the electronic gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and same has
been discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, off late, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and this factor leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of disaster in their growth. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
assert numerous disadvantages.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet in mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, with the advancement of technology the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
internet
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
traces on the innocent minds for an illustration porn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
contains adult material that should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Secondly
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, using of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
gradually
increasing at faster pace
for instance
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
etcetera and
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
Consider using a past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
in these activities
rather
than playing or doing any physical activity.

Moving
further
, interactive learning is the need of the hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
like visual learning, computing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etcetera
however
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are like molten clay and can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
in any shape. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is not a mandate thing. Numerous surveys has
been conducted
in metro cities and all gave the same result that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should be completely shunned from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to indiscipline and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "cases'" or "case's"?
cases
crime
as well
for example
cyber crime and making adult
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "videos'" or "video's"?
videos
etcetera.

To recapitulate, I would like to recapitulate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are innocent and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
acts as an obstacle in their
overall
development. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
more acts as a bane
rather
than boon.
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IELTS essay Electronic Gadgets such as mobile phones should be banned in schools. Give reason in support of your answer?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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