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Education: Still Invaluable!

Education: Still Invaluable! oxYwB
In the past, degrees were very unusual in my family. I remember the day my uncle graduated. We had a huge party, and for many years my mother called him "the genius" and listened to his opinion. Today, in comparison five of my brothers and sisters have degrees, and two are studying for their masters'. However, some people think that this increased access to education is devaluing degrees. In this essay, I will look at some of the arguments for and against the increased emphasis on degrees in our society. People have several arguments against the need for degrees. They say that having so many graduates devalues a degree. People lose respect for the degree holder. It is also claimed that education has become a rat race. Graduates have to compete for jobs even after years of studying. Another point is that studying for such a long time leads to learners becoming inflexible. They know a lot about one narrow subject, but are unable to apply their skills. Employers prefer more flexible and adaptable workers. However, I feel strongly that this move to having more qualifications is a positive development. In the past education was only for the rich and powerful. Now it is available to everyone, and this will have many advantages for the country and the individual. First of all, it is impossible to be overeducated. The more people are educated, the better the world will be, because people will be able to discuss and exchange ideas. A further point is that people with degrees have many more opportunities. They can take a wider variety of jobs and do what they enjoy doing, instead of being forced to take a job they dislike. Finally, a highly educated workforce is good for the economy of the country. It attracts foreign investment. In conclusion, although there are undoubtedly some problems with increased levels of education, I feel strongly that the country can only progress if all its people are educated to the maximum of their ability.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unusual in my family. I remember the day my uncle graduated. We had a huge party, and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years my mother called him
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the genius
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and listened to his opinion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
in comparison
five of my brothers and sisters have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
, and two are studying for their masters'.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this increased access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is devaluing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
. In this essay, I will look at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
arguments for and against the increased emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in our society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have several arguments against the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
. They say that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates devalues a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
lose respect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
holder. It is
also
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become a rat race. Graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete for jobs even after years of studying. Another point is that studying for such a long time leads to learners becoming inflexible. They know a lot about one narrow subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are unable to apply their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Employers prefer more flexible and adaptable workers.

However
, I feel
strongly
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to having more qualifications is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the rich and powerful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is available to everyone, and this will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for the country and the individual.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is impossible to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
overeducated
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are educated
, the better the world will be,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to discuss and exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. A
further
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more opportunities. They can take a wider variety of jobs and do what they enjoy doing,
instead
of
being forced
to take a job they dislike.
Finally
, a
highly
educated workforce is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the economy of the country. It attracts foreign investment.

In conclusion
, although there are
undoubtedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with increased levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I feel
strongly
that the country can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
progress if all its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are educated
to the maximum of their ability.
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IELTS essay Education: Still Invaluable!

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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