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During 50 years ago women position has changed but in some societies gender equality is not accepted. To what extent do you agree with this?

During 50 years ago women position has changed but in some societies gender equality is not accepted. 1aKoA
Women's position has dramatically changed recently. They have become more sociable and active. But the gender equality is still a controversial issue in many societies. In some countries, men believe they are stronger and superior to women. Actually, I agree with this in just some aspects of life. First of all, women were supposed to be good mothers and wives many years ago. During the years, this role gradually has changed and women went to society and work outside the house. But they still have the role of a mother and a wife. In my oppinion, it can put additional pressure on women who have to work inside and outside the house. For example, married women who have a position in society, have to work long hours outside, then come back home and play the role of a mother and a wife. This may cause them to be tired and frustrated. On the other hand, it's been a long time that men want to be the head of their family and manage everything because it boosts their self-confidence due to their especial characteristics. In the human history, no one expected men to take care of children and do household chores. So, they have had the role of a responsible person for their family so far. Based on the physical features of men and women, it's been more difficult and tiring for women to work long hours. But, in other aspects, I think there is no difference between men and women. For instance, it is said that women can do several tasks at the same time perfectly and be even more productive than men. As a result, I somewhat agree with this belief that there is not gender equality in some societies. Because a woman is expected to have a lot of roles at home and when she works outside the house, it may make her tired. But men are expected to work hard to run a family and they may not be responsible to do household chores. In other aspects, there is no difference between men and women. They both can be successful equally.
Women's position has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
recently. They have become more sociable and active.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the gender equality is
still
a controversial issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
believe they are stronger and superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Actually, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were supposed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mothers and wives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. During the years, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
gradually
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
still
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a mother and a wife. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppinion
, it can put additional pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
inside and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For example
, married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who have a position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home and play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a mother and a wife. This may cause them to
be tired
and frustrated.

On the other hand
, it's been a long time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
want to be the head of their family and manage everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it boosts their self-confidence due to their especial characteristics. In the human history, no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to take care of children and do household chores.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a responsible person for their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far. Based on the physical features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, it's been more difficult and tiring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in other aspects, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there is no difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For instance
, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do several tasks at the same time
perfectly
and be even more productive than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

As a result
, I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this belief that there is not gender equality in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a woman is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
at home and when she works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her tired.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to run a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they may not be responsible to do household chores. In other aspects, there is no difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. They both can be successful
equally
.
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IELTS essay During 50 years ago women position has changed but in some societies gender equality is not accepted.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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