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Nowadays, the mass media including TV, radio, and newspaper have become the essential part of our lives. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, the mass media including TV, radio, and newspaper have become the essential part of our lives. What is your opinion? aqp7Y
In today's world, mass media including TV, radio and newspapers have great influence in shaping people's ideas. As such, I totally agree with the statement. Firstly, mass media is necessary for everyone in daily life. In this mass media, the people can get the latest news very fast. They can get any information from these mass media through TV, just by staying at home watching TV the people can know every happening all over the world. Futhermore, the people can learn many skills, educate and behave the children, protect audiences from any TV programs and internet. In addition, in mass media people can find jobs. Some company will do an advertisement through newspapers to invite and hire people from different country to join their company. Then, the people can search though newspapers the job that they prefer and make them satisfied. Also, in mass media it help the individuals improve their mind thinking and ideas. Lastly, there are some business programs that teach skills that could improve the audience skills and get different ideas from any TV programs. Television is a good mass media that help support in the relationship of the family. It will bring the family together, after dinner they will gather in the living room and watch their favorite shows and have a chat. To conclude, mass media has a huge impact on society because it can change our beliefs and ideas.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
including TV, radio and newspapers have great influence in shaping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. As such, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is necessary for everyone in daily life. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
through TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by staying at home watching TV the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can know every happening all over the world.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, educate and behave the children, protect audiences from any TV programs and internet.
In addition
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will do an advertisement through newspapers to invite and hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can search though newspapers the job that they prefer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them satisfied.
Also
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
the individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mind thinking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Lastly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business programs that teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the audience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from any TV programs. Television is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
support in the relationship of the family. It will bring the family together, after dinner they will gather in the living room and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their favorite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and have a chat.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a huge impact on society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our beliefs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, the mass media including TV, radio, and newspaper have become the essential part of our lives. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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