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due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting a strain on the healthcare system.some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting a strain on the healthcare system. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. PjW2
In modern times, the issue of obesity which is the big problem for the health system has become a matter for discussion. There are those who say that the best ways are physical activities and education about this problem however, others believe that overweight problem is a personal matter which is solved by people. In this essay I wil examine both sides of the argument and provide my overall opinion. From an overall perspective, there are wide range of reasons why people believe that the climbed number of obesity increases, accordingly some people think that exercises can be effective for overweight bodies health. Perhaps the main reason why people think that physical education or activity is beneficial because individuals should have health and good body. A good illustration of this is that if a fat person who consumes 4000 k cal and never do activities, the person can not spend enough energy every day and continue to put on weight. This is because calories taken never transform spent energy by individuals. As a result, an overweight person has been gaining extra weight. In recent years, obesity was not a common disease around the world, whereas the disease is a normal situation in the USA and lots of countries. Unlike in the past, people today eat fast food, take more calories, and not do sports. Despite these arguments, there is also a case for the idea that individuals can arrange their life style and spend time for exercises at least three days a week. Furthermore, if they can do all essential things for their life, they will change their unquestionable end. In conclusion, it must be said that obesity has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. I believe that, all things considered, overweight person need to have exercise programmes, nutrition control for health life style. If they don’t have physical activity, diet or sporting events, they can have critical diseases like heart attack or die dramatically.
In modern times, the issue of obesity which is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system has become a matter for discussion. There are those who say that the best ways are physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and education about this problem
however
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
problem is a personal matter which
is solved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay I
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
examine both sides of the argument and provide my
overall
opinion.

From an
overall
perspective, there are wide range of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the climbed number of obesity increases,
accordingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that exercises can be effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
bodies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Perhaps the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that physical education or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
body. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who consumes 4000 k cal and never do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy every day and continue to put on weight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
calories taken never transform spent energy by individuals.
As a result
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has been gaining extra weight. In recent years, obesity was not a common disease around the world, whereas the disease is a normal situation in the USA and lots of countries. Unlike in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, take more calories, and not do sports.

Despite these arguments, there is
also
a case for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that individuals can arrange their life style and spend time for exercises at least three days a week.
Furthermore
, if they can do all essential things for their life, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their unquestionable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that obesity has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. I believe that, all things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
need to have exercise
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, nutrition control for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
life style. If they don’t have physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, diet or sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, they can have critical diseases like heart attack or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
dramatically
.
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IELTS essay due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting a strain on the healthcare system. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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