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Does career success determine success in life

Does career success determine success in life aP9w
It is widely believed that to have a meaningful life, we should be successful in our careers, as work is the most significant part of our lives. I strongly disagree with this belief and am actually astonished that we still have this mindset. Before I proceed with my justifications, I would like to define what success means to me and what is my image of a meaningful life. For me success does not mean living in a mansion, driving the most elegant vehicle possible and having a team of domestic helpers. This simply reflects having a high ‘standard’ of living. However, it is substantially different from having a high ‘quality’ of life, which is what truly matters. A high quality of life can be achieved even in a modest home with minimal belongings, as it is dependent on relationships. In my dictionary, success means achieving excellence, happiness and peace in all dimensions of relationships – with myself, with God Almighty, with my family, with other people and with nature. Coming back to the topic being discussed, consider a person who is highly invested in his career. He is committed to his profession, works late nights and often over the weekends as well. He is considered the model employee and is habituated to winning awards and promotions. He has been able to purchase a penthouse with the view of the sea and drives a Ferrari. When he goes back to his beautiful house, he wonders why it does not feel like home. He wonders about the last time he met his parents and about the amazing times he had spent with his now divorced wife. He invites his best friend to come over but it doesn’t happen. He wonders why he doesn’t feel happy when he has everything he ever dreamed to have! Consider on the other hand, a stay-at-home mom who once had a high-flying corporate career, or the entrepreneur who invests all the profits to build a school. They may not have the mansion and flashy car, but they have a meaningful life where they are able to have a positive impact on someone’s else’s life. In order to achieve success in our careers, we often make many sacrifices in our relationships. Our priorities are confused and we are unable to achieve a work-life balance. This leaves us lonely, melancholic and depressed. We need to therefore redefine the concept of success in order to make our workplaces stress-free and our lives meaningful.
It is
widely
believed that to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we should be successful in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, as work is the most significant part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
strongly
disagree with this belief and am actually astonished that we
still
have this mindset.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
I proceed with my justifications, I would like to define what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
means to me and what is my image of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
does not mean living in a mansion, driving the most elegant vehicle possible and having a team of domestic helpers. This
simply
reflects having a high ‘standard’ of living.
However
, it is
substantially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from having a high ‘quality’ of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which is what
truly
matters. A high quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
be achieved
even in a modest home with minimal belongings, as it is dependent on relationships. In my dictionary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
means achieving excellence, happiness and peace in all dimensions of relationships
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
with myself, with God Almighty, with my family, with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and with nature.

Coming back to the topic
being discussed
, consider a person who is
highly
invested in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. He
is committed
to his profession, works late nights and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
over the weekends
as well
. He
is considered
the model employee and
is habituated
to winning awards and promotions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
has been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a penthouse with the view of the sea and drives a Ferrari. When he goes back to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, he wonders why it does not feel like home. He wonders about the last time he met his parents and about the amazing times he had spent with his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
divorced wife. He invites his best friend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it doesn’t happen.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
wonders why he doesn’t feel happy when he has everything he ever dreamed to have!

Consider
on the other hand
, a stay-at-home mom who once had a high-flying corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, or the entrepreneur who invests all the profits to build a school. They may not have the mansion and flashy car,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where they are able to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on someone’s else’s life.

In order to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices in our relationships. Our priorities are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confused and
we are unable to achieve a work-life balance. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us lonely, melancholic and depressed. We need to
therefore
redefine the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our workplaces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meaningful
.
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IELTS essay Does career success determine success in life

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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