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does advertisement harm us?

does advertisement harm us? ArjBL
In this digital age, technology is evolving at a rapid pace these days. It is easy to view adverts on social networks when using your phone. Many people believe that advertising should be prohibited as it can be negative to the audience. From my perspective, I believe that advertising on social media can bring a lot of benefits. First of all, advertising can help customers learn and know much information about the product they want to buy no matter where they are. If customers are busy and living long distances from the store, by watching an advertisement for that product, they can know about the benefits, usage, and price of that advertisement. Moreover, when buyers want to save time and travel costs, they just need to use the phone to discover product information. Another positive aspect is that advertising sometimes also helps customers learn about current social issues and valuable information. Therefore, they will know about prohibited products and poor quality items mentioned in the advertisement. Secondly, consumers tend to enjoy discovering products. For instance, advertising is popular everywhere; customers may see it on TV and on social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram, giving them additional options for their products. Additionally, customers might learn about a new product when it is advertised in the market. For example, seeing an advertisement promoting a new phone, which has many features that they enjoy, they are eager to get it immediately. Furthermore, we do not need to leave the house but can still know the price information of new products appearing on the market through advertising. Besides, they may learn more about the product by searching for it on the internet, reviewing it on forums, or going to the website where it is sold. In conclusion, advertising is an important communication tool for organizations. Advertising is an essential aspect of my life as it provides us with so many benefits, so I believe that governments should encourage more commercials to be broadcast on TV.
In this digital age, technology is evolving at a rapid pace these days. It is easy to view adverts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks when using your phone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that advertising should
be prohibited
as it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to the audience. From my perspective, I believe that advertising on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advertising can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
no matter where they are. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are busy and living long distances from the store, by watching an advertisement for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the benefits, usage, and price of that advertisement.
Moreover
, when buyers want to save time and travel costs, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the phone to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues and valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Therefore
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about prohibited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and poor quality items mentioned in the advertisement.

Secondly
, consumers tend to enjoy discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, advertising is popular everywhere;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it on TV and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram, giving them additional options for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
when it
is advertised
in the market.
For example
, seeing an advertisement promoting a new phone, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features that they enjoy, they are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it immediately.
Furthermore
, we do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
appearing on the market through advertising.
Besides
, they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
by searching for it on the internet, reviewing it on forums, or going to the website where it
is sold
.

In conclusion
, advertising is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
communication tool for organizations. Advertising is an essential aspect of my life as it provides us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage more commercials to be broadcast on TV.
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IELTS essay does advertisement harm us?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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